In any case, I'm drinking coffee for hopefully the last time this summer (Lord knows that won't be case), and I've been putting these posts off for a while, but here they are. But first, as always, an amalgam of random thoughts:
a. Can you say three-time Dike Eddleman winner? I need to be there to witness it when Angela Bizzarri gets her banner up in the Armory. Sarah and I (aka the Angela Bizzarri Fan Club) have discussed it, and we believe that the banner will probably be a picture of her winning the cross country championship. They might even need to put up multiple banners of Bizz, what with all the honors she's won, heavens.
b. Okay, so "Ride" is a dece song and all (ugh, it took a lot of listens before it grew on me), but STOP PLAYING IT ON THE RADIO. Betsy B every single time I get in the car and turn on the radio, that shit is on. The video is also very, uh, sec-sual.
c. So I know that "Rain is a Good Thing" and all, but Champaign-Urbana? Just stop it. You made my graduation weekend way more sad than it had to be. Why couldn't you have been warm and sunny? The WORST.
d. I was almost arrested the night before graduation. Ask me 'bout it.
_________________________________________
Classes? Done.
Finals? Taken.
Thesis? Completed, bound, copied, and submitted.
Senior drinks? Drank.
Graduate? Walked.
All that's left to do is pack up my entire life and move out of Champaign, but other than that, I've done all I need to do. It's actually kind of weird being on campus in the "summer" (summer classes started today!), but I'm sort of enjoying being here with nothing to do. Expect me to be in Champaign a couple more times this summer. In any case, my last few days on campus have consisted of graduating, packing, and tying up loose ends. The one loose end that I've been avoiding is ultimate. It was a four year chapter in my life, and in a lot of ways, it meant a lot more than just four years for me.
I've handed the proverbial keys over to the young kids and the jersey is hung up in my closet, and with that my 2009-2010 season and Illinois Menace career are over. Put my name in the books, and look for fat ol' me and the alumni team at a tournament near you soon.
There will probably be people who will tell you that Illinois' season was over before it began. We lost SEVEN seniors, including two All-Region studs. How do you recover from losing so many impact players? Then, we graduated a senior midway through the season. And scores of girls quit throughout the season for various different reasons. It just seemed like the odds were stacked pretty high against us. But that was really, really hard for me to accept. For all the previous three years I've been on the team, the goal was always Nationals. That's the way I was taught -- you don't settle for anything less than the best, and there's no such thing as a mediocre effort. When you go, you go all out. Like I said at the beginning of the season, crazier shit has happened, right?
I wish we could have made Nationals this year. Talk about the feat of the century, am I right? That would have been the ultimate vindication for this entire season of struggle and bullshit. But I guess that wasn't to be. There are so many things that haunt me, even now, weeks removed from Regionals. What if I didn't poach in the lane in that game against Valpo, so that girl never would have hit me in the face? Would I have played better concussion-free? What if I had played better D in that Case game? What if I had swung the disc better? What if I had benched a little more this year, squatted a little more, ran a little harder? What if? I will never know, and it KILLS me.
This season was exhausting, in every sense of the word. I don't think I ever left a tournament without feeling like my body gave everything it could give and more. I also don't think I ever left a tournament without a new ache or pain. Haha luckily for me though I sort of broke the curse: for the past few years we've had one Asian captain and one white captain. The Asian captain has gone down with a serious injury the past 2 of 3 years. Yours truly escaped without any serious injuries! With so few upperclassmen on the team, even things we could control, such as travel logistics, became hell to figure out. The entire first half of my spring break (family vacation at Disney!) was spent tearing my hair out over Centex stuff, much to the chagrin of my parents. There were so many late nights spent at Apt. 15 worrying about ultimate issues. There were so many times I felt like I wasn't doing enough or I wasn't doing a good enough job and way too many times when I felt like I was letting everyone down. The season wore on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
But this season taught me so much.
I learned a lot about myself as a player and as a person. I learned that I have strong shoulders, and can carry a decent load (that's what she said). I learned that I can surmount almost any obstacle that comes my way. I learned that I have a lion-hearted sense of pride, and I'm always going to be this way. I learned that I'm always going to be fighting, and I'll go out fighting all of 'em.
I know this is going to sound funny because I was still a very angry person and still had my fair share of outbursts, but I learned to control my temper a LOT. I also learned that my body is capable of some pretty amazing things. If you would have told me a year ago that I'd be playing practically every point of every game at every tournament, I would have laughed so hard I'd have peed a little. But I did that. Granted, there were also a couple times when the cramps immobilized me, but for the most part, my body held up for most of the season. Pretty fucking crazy, and not too shabby for the worst asthmatic ever, huh?
I think I would have quit on the team and on myself this season if it weren't for the following people:
Margaret: My co-captain, without whom I think I would have gone crazy. She knew how to defuse every bomb, and always had my back in every situation. There were times when it felt like it was us against the world, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'll be there to catch all her high release forehands any day.
Michelle Ng and the Spicy Tuna Captains: In the beginning of it all, when I was struggling a lot in my role as captain and as a leader, Michelle gave me some great advice, and was always a great resource for me to turn to. The Spicy Captains were another incredible resource for me, and I turned to them for advice on drills and practices and things like that.
Kelly and Chansy: Old captains who were always there for support. Kelly came to tournaments and was such a positive presence for me, both tactically and emotionally, on the sidelines. Chan was always on the listening end of my gchat ultimate rants, and was always able to give me a fresh perspective on things.
T-Bag, Mary, and Kim (not Mary Kim, but Murrles and Kimberly): Whenever I felt like it just wasn't worth it anymore, these three always reminded me of how much I love the team and the sport. I can't even begin to estimate how much air they kept pumping into my tires this season.
Menace Alum: I can't ever forget all the players who came before me who dropped knowledge and words of encouragement for me all season. I love you guys.
Team Girlfriend: I love each and every single one of you, legit. Without you guys this season would have killed my spirit, but you all always made me laugh, and I love you for it. The Team Girlfriend point at Regionals was the best, by far. :)
And this last thank you definitely took four years to come up with, but I came to it, finally.
Thanks Goose, for everything. I think a lot of people who know me would be wildly surprised by this, but Goose was a huge part of my ultimate development. I mean shit, he was my coach for three years and he taught me a lot. He knew what it took to get us to Nationals, and he knew all the right buttons to push to get us there. In the moment, I fucking hated it all and almost quit multiple times, but in the end, hell, we went to Nationals last year. That was because of our work, but it was also partly Goose's work too. He drilled us into the ground and beat us down, but I think he knew what he was doing when he did that.
So my season and my career in an Illinois uniform ... over. The last game I played was against Northwestern, which is pretty fitting. My freshman year, we lost against Northwestern to end our season, and the same thing happened this year. It was a fun game. We played crazy lines (Asian line, rookie line, Team Girlfriend line) and we did crazy shit. We just had a good time. I don't think I ever stopped laughing or smiling that game. While I'm sad that my career ended the way it did, I'm so glad I went out laughing.
Senior drinks, baby. Can you believe we made it?
Team Girlfriend ♥
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