And If This Were a Book, I'd Call This Song the Final Chapter

And if you read it, you'd be laughing.

And so the delusion ends.
My college ultimate career came to an unceremonious close this past Saturday afternoon.
The Northwestern game was kind of a shit show, but I mean, isn't it better to laugh than to cry? I'm glad I ended my last college ultimate game on a hilarious note.

And y'know, maybe it helped to know ahead of time.
I don't know if it'll hurt any less or if it sucks any less, but at least I was sprawled out on the field because of cramps and not emotional pain.

My delusion is over. You can all stop laughing now, because I believed in my heart that we could beat teams like Michigan and Northwestern and Notre Dame and Case Western. You can stop laughing that I still felt we could beat Northwestern after our 15-4 beat down at Centex. You can stop wondering if I've taken one too many hits to the face. It was never the concussion(s) speaking, always my stupid, foolish heart.

Well life, you got the last laugh.
Unceremonious, undignified, a little embarrassing, and completely, utterly exhausting.
This season has definitely been exhausting, in every sense of the word.
Don't get me wrong, there are definitely highlights and things I'll never forget, but the end was kind of a relief. Of course, I wanted to end my season at the end of May and not at the beginning of it, but that wasn't in the cards this year. Menace Alums, it's my time to join you.

This song got me through the season. If you know all the shit that went down, I think you'd understand it. This song got me so fucking amped, to prove EVERYONE wrong. Very self-righteous, I know, but no song fit better, I think.


This is the song that got me through the last two weeks or so of the season. Feeling like I had the wool pulled over my eyes the whole time. Feeling like day by day, I was being left alone on an island of delusion and lost hope. Feeling like I was only setting myself up to fail. Feeling betrayed and really hurt. I feel like I fell flat on my face. Good thing Kelly (and Matthews' boobs) were there to catch me.



I'm expecting the finality of it all to hit soon.
I can't wait for catharsis. (But not on Wednesday night or Thursday morning, when Kelly will be here. I love you, Big Ol' Foster!)


If you could frame this feeling, at night it would whisper to me:
Good friend, how loud do you want life to shout her answers in your ear?