Nayshuns: Columbrahs, Brohio

The First of Many Lists:
1. BLESS PAUL DIEHL'S HEART. (LOOK AT 'IM) He told me I don't have to turn in my James Douchebag-lar paper until next Wednesday. Unfortunately, this means I will put it off in favor of doing nothing, and I will be rushing to finish it before we leave for Brahio. Yikes. Anyone wanna help me finish writing a paper about the shortcomings of current international environmental law? Anyone?
2. I have approximately like four days to study for the LSAT. Welp, looks like I'm not going to law school anytime soon. Whoo!
3. Well, I should clarify that if my LSAT score doesn't scare schools away, then my GPA should. This semester was not the business. Well, there's always staying for a fifth year. Natties '11! And if I didn't fail and just scraped by, then shit, C's get degrees, baby! Mm, underachievement.
4. The Donnas' cover of "Dancing With Myself" is actually not horrendous. Firstly, don't judge that I advocated anything The Donnas did, and secondly, I saw it on a commercial. WHATEVER.
5. The front page of myspace music is currently featuring two acts that went to my high school (someone once said I was like the Whitney Young Cozza, WHATEVER). The first is Vyle, and the other is Mathletes. I was actually in a band with two of the guys in Mathletes waaaaaay back during sophomore year of high school. We played a much different genre of music than they play now, but anyway, check it out.
6. Finarry, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS FOR ME AND CAPERS. Also, in case anyone was wondering, Capes is coming to Natties. Leave space for him on the bed. And don't touch him, or else he won't smell like Capes anymore. I am not kiddin' around.


Ok, so sorry for the lack of posting in the past week. No one told me that going to Natties and studying for finals didn't go together, although I guess I should have figured that one out myself. Anyway, I'd like to share a funny story with ya'll.

So I journeyed back home last week for some Mother's Day fun with my family, and being that it is Asian Heritage Month, we decided it would be nice to mix up our dinner schedule with a little Vietnamese food. We headed out to Argyle and had a great dinner, but that's not the funny part. We ate at a place called Tank Noodles. The restaurant logo was a green tank and the words "Tank Noodles: Vietnamese Cuisine". I may or may not have laughed for at least five minutes. Sorry, maybe that was only amusing for me. I like when we can make fun of our history.

Anyway, it has been over a week since Regies, and the good feeling hasn't worn out yet. It still isn't old to ask teammates what they're doing over Memorial Day weekend, and it's still nice to have practice. More than a few people were betting against us, and not everything that was said about us was wrong, actually. We have been pretty streaky this whole year, and any Illinois team could show up at any given tournament. Hell, any Illinois team could show up on any given day, during any given game. But we all knew we were capable of playing well, and this weekend, everyone balled it out. Other than a certain bear swoz'n it up all over the place, we had our first full, healthy roster in a long time.

Our first game against Valpo was not the business. Straight up, we played terribly. We went up a little bit on them, and then lost our heads and let them score something like 7 points on us. It got pretty sloppy, but we won. We had to clean it up real quick because our next opponent was none other than Michigan State, the team that took us out last year in the backdoor finals. Sure, this team looked a little different from last year, but 15-12 is 15-12, no matter who it is you have on your roster. We came out and played decidely better this game, avenging our heartbreak with a 13-3 victory over Infamous. Meanwhile, things were going crazy in Pool B, with Notre Dame straight hulksmashing Northwestern, 13-2. We were looking forward to a sectionals rematch, but that was not to be. Our next opponent was Oberlin, and even though our cup struggled a bit, letting off some huge cross-field breaks, we won this one with relative ease, 13-1. That set us up for the semi-final against Notre Dame. The Illinois men had just upset Michigan and were headed to the championship game, and we were pumped up. With the Illinois men on the sidelines for a few points and the Notre Dame men on the sidelines as well, this game was shaping up to be epic. We were all a little mystified by the Notre Dame/Northwestern score, and wondered if there was something up Notre Dame's sleeve that we should be worried about. Nah. We won 15-6. On to the 'ship. WHATEVER.

Regies Day 2. We start off the morning by watching our men's team dominate OSU on their way to Natties. Sexcellent. We begin warm-ups. I get jacked in the eye. You know, typical stuff. Anyway, we play great against Michigan. Alexis gets jacked in the face and we throw away some things on our goal line, but we play well. Considering last year we struggled to score 3 points on them in the exact same game, this year was a marked improvement. We lost 15-10 to a really cool Flywheel team. We're not phased about the backdoor final. We find out it's not Northwestern who we had been pumping ourselves up for, but instead Ohio State. Wait, who? Curious happenings in the second place bracket ... Anyhow, there was absolutely no fucking way we were losing this game. Honestly not even a doubt in my mind. From the moment we came out and just shredded their defense with so much patience, I knew it was over for them, and just a matter of time before we hit 15 points. Sure enough, after what feels like only half an hour, we get a D and the score, and Megan puts out an all-senior line, then ... Murr Space Station to T-Baggles. I stand on the sideline for one split second before it hits me, and we rush the field. Kisses are planted, arms are thrown around each other, we're all screaming, I am a koala ... I swear to God, making Natties was unbelievable. Fuck around and I was exuberant. I wish I could explain how it felt, or everything I was feeling or thinking, but I'm not eloquent enough for that. It was just like the song, it felt like I was falling for the first time.

So yeah. We worked hard, and got bank.
We kissed thru the phone.
We're going to Nationals. Natties. Nayshuns. College Champies. The Olympics. The 'Pix. Whatever you wanna call it.
We're going.
May 3, 2009, best Sunday of my life.

However, when Illinois Menace made Nationals '09, what you didn't know is that a slew of other teams were also included. So far, these teams are: Soul Patrol (J), Dream Team (Alexis), Dime Squad (T-Bag), Kelly's Krew (Miss Foster, duh), G-Machine (Lisa), One Stop Wonder (Megan), Third String (FOTY), The Legion (Kimmy D), Night Riders (Fozz), and B-Unit (Goose). The God Squad, most unfortunately, will not be there, but I'll wear the shirt anyway. If you're interested in joining this game, you will need to run your application by The Committee first. Rules are stringent, standards are high, and we're not easily impressed. You can start your own game if you want, but it will probably suck. Just saying.

That being said, don't be alarmed if you get "called" at Natties. You probably got "called" for good reasons.


Anyway, now that I'm done failing finals, let me impart some of the knowledge I've gained over the past two weeks or so to you.
Facts:
1. Fozzy Oso was the seventh case of swine flu in Oberlin, OH.
2. Indiana does not have open-road tolling. Do not drive 60mph through a toll because unless there is some sort of emergency system in place, the wooden bar will crash through your windshield and kill all five passengers of your Taurus just hours after you've made Nationals.
3. If you think that streffin' it means having game, we're here to tell you that you're wrong.
4. Apparently heartburn mimics asthma. Hey fuck you, heartburn.
5. Maxim recently put out their Hot 100 (don't ask why I know this), and I find it INCREDULOUS that not only is Michelle Obama #93, but Ciara is above Beyonss. WHAT THE SHIT?! It is fact that the scale goes something like Weezy, Michelle Obama, T-Bag, Beyonss, and Ciara almost doesn't even register. Committee/SB2K9 Party Van, we have much to discuss.


There are many things that need to be taken care of before going to Natties '09, such as the dyeing of hair, the cleaning of my apartment, the scissoring of seniors, the consumption of copious amounts of sushi during happy hour at Sushi Ave., the watching of "The L Word", and of course, an important discussion about Natties Cuties '09. Once the entire SB2K9PV Committee reconvenes, I'll put up a list of what we're looking for in our Natties Cuties, so you can prepare yourself.

That being said, here are some things to look forward to in Columbrahs.

Look Forward To:
1. "Love in this Club" at Nationals. All the fuckin' time. Cause that's my jam, baby.
2. Natties Cuties '09. Get cute, cause we're lookin'.
3. An OBNOXIOUS amount of photos from me post-Nationals. I expect to take so many photos my 1000+ photo memory card will need to be recharged multiple times.
4. Rampant twittering (is that the verb? or is it tweeting?) on my part (jwong25, if you're interested).
5. Many, many a game of Who Would You Rather. If you think you can beat Weezy, Michelle or Barack Obama, or Beyonss in the "If I Were a Boy" video, then bring it. Unrelated, but was anybody really distraught that Ciara took off those HUGE sunglasses she wore during "Never Ever" on SNL? Because I know I was. Bless her heart.
6. Shooting a whollllle lotta J's. Don't say I didn't warn you.
7. Jump high-fives. A flagrant amount of jump high-fives. I will be involved in each and every single one of them.
8. A whole lotta ILLINOISE. We're loud. We're obnoxious. We'll be at Natties in Brohio, and we're going to say "Natties" and "Brohio" a flagrant amount. We'll mispronounce names, wear shirts that say "LISTEN", and lust after Michelle Obama and Beyonss. WHATEVER. Speaking of Illinoise, shout out to Frances Ai Tsukano, who apparently types in illinoisemenace.blogspot.com every time she tries to get on over here. In case you don't know, Frances is the centerpiece of the famous "Suck It/Praise the Lord" photo. It's a big deal, I mean, whatever.
9. SIDELINE D. Get ready to get Fozz'd/Yen'd!
10. My father on the sidelines for Friday and possibly Saturday. You'll know it's him. Look for a bright shirt with an American flag or an eagle on it. Yep. That'll be my dad.

Anyway, as if you couldn't tell, I'm pumped as hell about Natties. I'll do some more real writing after I finish this God-forsaken paper so I can finish failing junior year of college. Like I promised, I have at least two more posts that need to go up.

And as always, I want to give a shout out to my one and only Weezbag:
Maybe it's intuition, but some things you just don't question. Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant. And there it goes, I think I found my best friend. I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe I knew I loved you before I met you (true story). I think I dreamed you into life (also true). I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all my life. There's just no rhyme or reason, only the sense of completion. And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces I'm searching for. I think I found my way home.

J+Weezy=Jeezy. Love you.


Other than USC, we haven't really had very much interaction with any of the other teams that will be at Natties. They will all think we're a bunch of freaks. Illinois misses Katie Kessler, Centex Cutie '09, and UCSD, and Martha and our friends on Wisconsin Eau-Claire. Sigh. But no seriously. We're cool. You should make friendsies with us.

Clurious George.
FOTY.
Fozz.
Goose.
Jewbagels.
Kimmy D.
Mader.
Margaret.
Megan.
Miss Foster.
Murr Space Station.
Noyle.
Peach.
RACH.
Risa Lisa.
T-Bag.
Yenny.
...
and Alexis.

You are probably not ready for the douchebaggery you'll be encountering in just a week's time.

'PIX BRO NINE!