1. Please. Please, please PUH-LEEZ look both ways before you cross a bike path. It, much like an actual street for cars, has two-way traffic. You are supposed to look both ways before crossing a street, so you should also give both sides a lil' look-see before crossing a bike path. I don't feel like losing the tips of my toes again. Worst bike accident ever, and it happened right before Fall Out. An errant pedestrian forced me to crash into a trash can and light pole, and the trash can fucked my big and little toes up good. After I parked my bike and my black flip flops turned a shade of red, I was bleeding all over the floor of ISR, and some ridiculous Asian walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to donate blood. I was incredulous, honestly. Also, if you are walking in a bike path like you belong there, don't be angry when I hit you. I love riding my bike, but pedestrians disrespecting the bike lane really fucks me up.
2. WHO CHANGED THE RADIO STATION IN THE BATHROOM TO ALL-DAY COUNTRY?! Now, I'm all for proportional representation in the bathroom, I really am. I even enjoy a little country myself, and think that country lovers should get airtime in the bathroom. But 24 hours?! Really? It makes me sad that I don't get to hear "Love Song" in the bathroom anymore. It's really only my favorite bathroom song ever. It's sad, but Sara Bareilles reminds me of Las Vegas (she has a song by the same name), bathrooms, and 45 minute conversations about which girls my friend Alexander and I think are hot. You see, Alexander, my #1 White Boy, has really, really low standards and I have to help him out (i.e. When he thinks a 9 is really a 4, I gotta help my boy out.). Anyway, the whole conversation started when we saw the "Love Song" video on TV, and he said he didn't think she was hot because she had a weird nose. Then we talked about people we found attractive for 45 minutes. In case you're wondering, I'd totes be gay for ELLEN PAGE (goodness Ellen Page is cute), Rashida Jones (JIM FACE!), and Jenny Lewis, and I'd let John Krasinski (Just ... Jim Halpert, where have you been all my life?), Michael Cera (Can we make out now?), and Adam Brody take me to the tropics to sip on pina coladas ANY DAY. On the other hand, Alexander's top three consisted of two Asian girls we both know from high school and my mom (Goodness I hate him).
Anyway, back to my original point.
I want to hear "Love Song" when I'm showering, so can we change the station back now? Thnxkbai.
3. Finally, I don't know what you're doing out getting wasted on a Tuesday night, but if you can't hold your liquor, don't act like an asshole, and don't expect others to think it's hilarious. Sure, be funny and ridiculous and O.O.C. in your little circle of friends. Take shitloads of pictures you don't remember and put them on Facebook and LULZ about them all you want. That's cool. But don't involve other people you don't know in your drunken assholery. I don't appreciate people yelling mean shit at me when I'm just trying to mind my own business. I'm Asian, not DEAF, bro. SO I LIKE TO GO TO THE MCKINLEY FOUNDATION WITH TEAM ASIA TO DO HOMEWORK ON TUESDAY NIGHTS WHILE YOU'RE OUT DANCING ON/FALLING DOWN ON THRICE PUKED-ON/PISSED-ON FLOORS AT GRIMY ASS BARS LIKE KAM'S. SO THE FUCK WHAT. Fuckin', muffin-topping, fishbowl to myself on a Tuesday night at Firehaus lookin' ass. Fuckin', Jewfro-having, short-shorts at 12am in 40 degree weather lookin' ass. Fuckin', I've got a cigarette between my lips and I'm wearing green tights and a North Face to grind on a sweaty pole at Joe's on a Tuesday night with the aforementioned short-shorts wearing lookin' ass lookin' ass. (That was by far my longest "lookin' ass" yet!) Fuckin', I'm creepy and hang out on dark streets with my friends when I'm drunk because I was probably kicked out of every campus bar for being a belligerent asshole lookin' ass.
;;EXHALE.
Goodness that was long.
I'm sorry.
Now let's get tropical.
(Oh, "Semi-Pro". Someone stop me.)
With each baller garnering 37% of the votes (out of a whopping 8 of 'em), the Baller Bids award for Chicago Invite is split between MaryKim and Mader.
MaryKim. GOODNESS, what is there to say about MaryKim? MaryKim has a fan club. People in this fan club would ultimate MaryKim's frisbee, and they shit where she shits, and they eat kimchee because MaryKim eats kimchee. I mean, come on. How could MaryKim not win?
Jen Mader, or "Mader" as she is affectionately called, plays on Brass Monkey. (I know I've said this before, but COME ON. You have to agree that it's a little hilarious that not only is there another ultimate-playing Jen Mader, but she's called Mader for short. Goodness.) She's "The Freshman" on the team but fear not, she can hold her own, so don't mess.Congrats, Mader and MaryKim!
Same deal goes for Roll Call: I'll put a poll up afterwards and it'll be up for a few days, so vote and such.
With the obviously daunting task of creating an 11 hour playlist safely out of the way, I can finally concentrate on writing a preview for Roll Call, the last of the Cultimate-sponsored tournaments this year. Though not a "premier tournament", like TiV, SI, or Centex (was Warm Up considered premier?), Roll Call should still be competitive. Even though the pools are up and I could just do our pool and the top teams, Chinese isn't as harsh this week so I'll be writing blurbs on every team in alphabetical order, with help from Meg. The list of teams reads like a who's who of small East Coast schools, which is pretty cool. There are, however, some bigger names we should be looking out for, like UChicago, Wellesley, Northeastern, and Maryland.
The first team up is American University. I'm really hoping we play this team, because their team name is Dirty Ladies, which is absolutely hilarious, in all the best ways. Thus far, they've really only played smaller teams in the ME and NE regions, and have had mixed success in doing so. Their record at this point is 8-7. Their most noteworthy opponent is probably GWU, who played at both the Stanford Qualifier (they were 3-4) and Huck of the Irish, and they beat GWU 11-7. They'll be our third game of the day on Saturday.
Next is the Boston College Flix. They don't have a website yet, and they also have no scores reported. This team has a smaller roster much like us, and they also have a very sophomore heavy team, much like us. According to a gcooke post from Sectionals of last year, BC is a much improved team that throws an effective 4-person cup. One thing he had pointed out is that they had trouble handling Wellesley's zone, so maybe we throw zone? One part of their success can probably be attributed to their coach, Rosie Ano, a player on Slow White, a mixed team that made it to finals of Club Nationals this year. Oh, and because my team "research" (stalking, creeping, etc.) takes me to many different media sites, I found a BC Flix video on YouTube, and one of their captains Jackie Ouellet #17 has a nice layout D in it.
Brown-B Pity Da Fools is one elusive team. I'm not finding very much information on them, and even though Brown Disco Inferno has a really cool website, they have very little about their B-team. They did, however, go to College Southerns, but got blown out by Princeton in the pre-quarters of the 13th place bracket 12-5. They ended up beating Williams B in quarters of the 21st place bracket, but that's where the score reporter story ends.
Carnegie Mellon is another team with a great name -- the Money Melons. One spring tournament they went to is Ultimax, where they went to quarters. At this same tournament, they beat this really weird Richmond team (I'll touch on this later), but lost to teams like NC State (we beat them at CCC), Notre Dame, and Duke. They have a pretty big roster, which only includes two seniors, but they have a shit-ton of juniors.
One friend from our section and region that will be present is UChicago. So this one girl on Supersnatch, Nadine Levin, is honestly ridiculous. Read this shit, from the Chicago Maroon:
"A biology major, concert violinist, and nationally competitive Frisbee player, Levin assisted the development of an experimental vaccine for bubonic plague and worked at a public hospital in Bolivia."
What's the big deal, you say? Oh, not too much, she was just awarded a RHODES SCHOLARSHIP. Shit. Ku-dos, Nadine Levin, that's just plain sick.
Anyway, despite having the services of two Nemesis players, Yaya Tang and Servia "Beef" Rindfleish, Supersnatch doesn't exactly have a sterling record. So far, they've been to Trouble, Texas Throwdown, and Southerns. At Trouble, two of their losses were to Cornell and Claremont, both teams we beat. They had significantly more success at Texas Throwdown, going 4-2 on the weekend, beating Indiana, Missouri, and Texas-B (x2). At Southerns, they beat Northwestern 15-10, and challenged Williams for the 9th place bracket, losing 7-11. Other than Yaya, Nadine, and Beef, UChicago also has these two other pretty sweet handlers, one that's a little taller, brown hair, pretty fast, but that's about as much as I can describe, and the other's a little shorter and she wears glasses, kinda looks a little like Lanski. Chicago isn't a team we can overlook, because just like us they're working hard and practicing 3-4 days a week and they're scrimmaging with Northwestern, so anything can happen come Sectionals time. But right now, we should send them the message that we're going to destroy them now, and we're going to destroy them again in a few weeks at Sectionals. Cruuuuuuuush.
George Washington has a smaller roster, both numbers-wise and height-wise. Their tallest (listed) player is 5'10, and most everyone hovers in the 5'5-5'7 height bracket. (Before any GWU players take offense to this, I'm 5'3, so you're all huge to me.) The Hungry Hungry Hippos were extremely successful at Cupid's Revenge, winning all but one game, a 7-11 loss to American, and placed 13th at Stanford Qualifier. Co-captain Julia Bell #8 is also a YouTube star, apparently, shown in the video getting a layout Callahan.
A trend I'm finding with this tournament is that a lot of the teams are very small. Georgetown's listed roster has only 13 girls, but it's outdated. The roster on their website lists 9 players, with an unknown amount of freshmen recruits. They went 2-4 at Ultimax, their 2 wins coming by way of huge blowouts over West Virginia and North Carolina B.
Ha'vahd Quasar (they would called themselves Quasar!) is another shorter, smaller team. It doesn't look like they've played in very many spring tournaments, but after skimming their team bios from last year, I guess a lot of them are really fast and tough on D, and they like to throw zone with all their former runners. They've got their main handler in Ellen McRae #42, and it seems like their main offensive threat is Jenny Wang, a sophomore, and Asian, by the way. In case you haven't noticed.
Haverford gave me nothing to work with. Thanks, Haverford. Taking the mysterious route. I respect that.
Hofstra is another very young team, with more than half of its 13 listed players being freshmen. That makes sense, because the team is obviously very new (their website says that in 2007 they were recognized as an official club team by Hofstra), and they have yet to play any tournaments this spring.
Johns Hopkins ... now here's a school that could fuck you up and then stitch you up. They're named after a bird that shares part of its name with something Pam Anderson is famous for, and there's a picture of them on their website as the 101 Dalmatians. They also only have 10 listed people on their roster (according to their website they have, or had(?) 19), most of whom are juniors. They went .500 at Cupid's Revenge, and were 3-1 at Huck of the Irish.
Maryland Helpful Corn, or "Blue Team", if you recall, will be our fourth game of the day. This game could be a little worrisome, especially because it's close to the end of the day, and shit could get real if we get up on them and then fail to shut the door. They won Huck of the Irish by a pretty sizable margin, beating an NYU team that went to Nationals last year 12-4. Of course, that NYU team could have graduated a lot of ballers, but even so. We also met up with Maryland at CCC in the fall, and we beat them twice, 9-4 and 10-6. Someone on IC Ultimate who did a write up on CCC picked two Maryland players, Jess Trinh #00 and Charlie Mercer #17 as standouts. I think, though I'm not totally sure, that Charlie Mercer plays club in D.C. She replied to a thread about women's club in D.C. with something like, 'e-mail me for more info!' but didn't really say whether she was on Scandal or Pi (Oh Pi, remember them? With Our Friend Jessica? Oh yeah, and that bitch who claimed that I fouled her on my throw (I don't really believe that she was 100% stationary), and then demonstrated my so-called foul on me like six times following? Angriest I've ever been, honestly.) Maryland was also present at QCTU, where they were upset in pool play by a pretty significant amount, 10-3 by Wake Forest, and they were trounced in quarta'z by North Carolina 12-4. All I have is one word: JAAAAAAAAANKY. I think Mary and Ashley know what I'm talking about.
UMass is a team that I don't feel like talking a whole lot about because their website took about six years to load. J.C., bro, ugh. They have one score up on score reporter, and a eeked out a close one against Georgia Tech 10-9, a team that we've bageled. So there's that.
Messiah's record is kind of strange. Firstly Messiah has played Washington, and were able to put up more points than we did against Element in a 13-4 loss to UW. But then, they get blown out by Claremont at Vegas, 13-4, a team we handled, and they also lose to Colorado-B and Wellesley by identical scores (13-5). Weird.
North Park. What is there to say about North Park that I haven't said already? You can just check what I wrote for the Chicago Invite Preview.
(You can tell at this point I'm getting very lazy with the team blurbs. They get boring after a while, you know?)
Northeastern is our second game of the day on Saturday, and they made the trip out to San Diego this spring for Pres Day, where they put up a lot of green on score reporter. They broke see and won their pool, eventually going on to the finals of the tournament, losing to UCLA 15-11. I don't really know what to make of this score because it could be that UCLA was up by so much towards the end of the game that they just put their more inexperienced players in, and that's why the game appears close, but it could also be that Northeastern played their hearts out. I don't know which it was, so I won't make any assumptions. According to gcooke's blog, Northeastern plays a poachy cup on D, and on offense they emphasize the break and swing.
Oberlin is a regional opponent out of the East Plains section, and they laid an egg at Southerns. They didn't really play any games that could be considered close on paper, and they have no roster up on score reporter, but according to their website they have 25 girls. As I typed that, I wondered to myself why I'm always pointing out roster numbers, and I think it's because I seem to think that other teams having more legs than us is a threat. But I guess it wouldn't be if we just crushed and shit.
Pennsylvania is tops in Pool B, despite owning a losing record (4-5). They've got some good teachers though, in coaches who are both members of Amp, a mixed club team that finished tied for 3rd at Nationals this year.
If we ever find ourselves suiting up against Princeton, it will be imperative that we win the flip, or else we'll have to wear those ridiculous white jerseys we own. Clockwork Orange (NICE) is another team with a losing record, 2-5, with a big loss to Northwestern 13-5. They did, however, play Florida pretty close at Southerns, and Fuel is traditionally a pretty strong team in the AC. (Again, could just be that Florida was up by a lot towards the end and put more inexperienced players in, etc. ... I have no way of knowing.)
We kick off Roll Call by meeting up with Richmond, the aforementioned weird team. Here's what's weird about them. At Pres Day, they start off the day with a very on-paper competitive game against UCLA, losing 10-13. Then they go on to lose big to Northeastern, another team that had played UCLA close and lost. Then they go and lose a squeaker to Claremont, 7-8, a team that we beat pretty handily at Vegas. At Hellfish Bonanza and Ultimax, they played a few of our regional foes in OSU and Notre Dame, respectively. They lost a close one to OSO 8-10, and were blown out by Notre Dame 2-13.
Rutgers is a team that has been to Nationals 3 times, having gone as recently as 2004. Most of that team however, is gone, with the exception of two seniors (maybe?). Out of 12 girls, 7 are underclassmen, so I'd say this team is a little bit removed from that '04 Natties team. They've only played one tournament, Huck of the Irish, where they beat Penn State and lost to Delaware and Maryland 7-2.
Salisbury is another under the radar team that could play spoiler this weekend. They won Hellfish Bonanza, blowing out most of the teams that they faced that weekend, and getting to the finals by barely edging out our regional friends OSU 10-9 in semis. They didn't fare so well at Huck of the Irish though (I've typed "Huck of the Irish" and "Hellfish Bonanza" and "Southerns" and "Ultimax" so much at this point it's ridiculous), going 1-2.
St. Mary's is another team that went to Cupid's Revenge and HotI, with very mixed results. They were blown out in their losses at HotI, and at Cupid's, they beat Maryland-B and Johns Hopkins by good margins. They also have this really cool thing on their website where they list what tournaments they went to and who went. Kinda cool for inquiring minds like me, who scratch heads over why teams don't perform well on some weekends when they have so much talent on their roster. Oh, and they have about seven Anna's on the team ... ok, more like three. Even so.
The Swarthmore Warmothers (Swarthmore anagram, get it? I bet Catherine did.) have a girl on their team whose nickname is "Jizz", which is sort of ridiculous. They've played and gotten blown out by teams like Maryland, Salisbury, and OSU in tournaments this spring, but have posted close wins over Delaware and Georgia Tech.
Towson is a very young team, with the old folks on their team being three juniors. They've played in relatively more tournaments than most of the teams I've written about so far, dropping two of three at HotI and going 4-3 at Cupid's Revenge, losing to GWU and Johns Hopkins. They also went to Mardi Gras, where they played Wisconsin (!!?!!?>%$#^-^) and put up 1 point before losing.
So who is Virginia Commonwealth? Other than being the Dream March Madness team who ousted Duke last year, I know little else. Judging from their website, it looks like they're more of a mixed team than a co-ed team so I don't know what to say.
Well, it won't be as warm in D.C. this weekend as it was in Vegas, so maybe everyone present during our game with Wellesley will be wearing a shirt. At Vegas, they played us really close, losing 7-10, but they did go 5-3 on the weekend, posting one notable win over Michigan State 13-8. They also went to Southerns, where they beat a historically strong Florida team to advance to quarters, only to get bounced by Tufts 13-2. They are also coached by gcooke, and I'm pretty excited to see them again because I want to know what gcooke looks like in person. His display picture is so scary.
The other Whiptails, Wellesley-B, also went to Southerns, where they lost to a lot of other B-teams.
As Meg pointed out, it's pretty difficult to have the word "mother" in your team name and still sound badass, but William and Mary pulled it off by naming their team the Mother Huckers. They don't have a particularly great record, but hey, they're the Mother Huckers, who gives a shit.
OH GOODNESS I'M DONE. Glorious.
I'm never being ambitious again. Oh wait, I was already reminded not to be ambitious after I tried to throw an upwind hammer today at practice. ROFL at myself.
Even though a lot of the teams present at Roll Call are going to be much smaller, there are definitely teams that we need to look out for. I guess this is sort of like our East Coast version of Chicago Invite. We need to go into this with the same approach that we took to Vegas and Texas Throwdown -- we took things seriously. This weekend should be no different; just because there are no marquee names present doesn't mean we can take the weekend off. We should use this as a way to sharpen up and perfect our game before sectionals and all that. All in all, as Tania said, we can't be happy with anything but a championship. Let's do it to it.
Oh, and I just want to let you all know that I'll be wearing almost the exact same clothes to practice on Thursday. Please don't think I'm janky. Thanks.
P.S. Who's keeping up with March Madness? I just want to say that the UConn women are steamrolling people and it is ridiculous. Ok, so Maya Moore? Fast becoming one of my favorite players. Example: She steps back and hits a trey, that's cool. Then, after some sloppy passing, Texas steals the ball and the girl is speeding downcourt, no one on the other end to stop her. Don't fucking worry, because Maya Moore is hauling ass down court and gets a clean ass block on that girl's layup. It was SICK NASTY, and as soon as I find a clip of it, if I do, I'm posting it. Then, UConn gets the ball back, and Maya Moore makes it a sandwich and drains another 3. Geez. Also, that ODU/Virgina game preceding UConn/Texas was siiiiick. That chick on ODU was way, way, waaaaaaaaay downtown when she hit that three with like, 1 second on the shot clock. And then her teammate blocks the desperation Virginia three ... that's just nasty. Goodness I love March Madness.
P.P.S. I just watched "Superbad" for maybe the 200th time, and God, I miss my best friend(s).
P.P.P.S. JABBAWOCKEEZ OMG. AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW. ZOMG.
2 comments:
should be some interesting competitors to learn about this weekend.
it looks like mary is doing soulja boy
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