Moar Lawls Plz

My life is filled with lulz, and it's the best!
These are just some recent lawls that came to mind that I thought I'd share:

a. How I know my life is a mess:
I woke up this morning to find this voicemail left for me: "Angelica, this is Officer Everitt. I talked to you about the mail box store robbery. Well, there's been an arrest, and I have L/lemons in custody. I just wanted to talk to you again before we take action."

b. How I know I'm friends with Laura Cool Nelson:

(No Anal Rules, Karen Gaymann, and I are in Smelson's kitchen making dinner.)

Smelson (yells to her mother in the living room): Mom! The recipe calls for me to fart under a blanket and then make someone else smell it.

(dutch oven, lulz)

c. How I know I'm friends with Ashley Chan:
(text message conversation had over winter break during my cross-country shit show)
me: hey snooks imma e-mail you my durhole trip detes tomorrow when i get home, k? <3 jwoww
chansy: Yeah just call me on the duck phone and let me know what's The Situation. <3 your mate for life.

d. How I know I'm friends with Krystal Torres:
I travel all the way to Los Angeles ... to watch hours of "Jersey Shore", "Real World: D.C.", and suggestive infomercials in her room. She is also coming to Monday of Pres Day, and I'm pretty sure all that will happen is that we'll make Jersey Shore references the whole time. I'll accuse her of having herpes, and then she'll attempt to frown and fail.

e. How I know I'm friends with you:
You're reading this and you understand the entirety of this pointless post.


I'm putting off a history paper about Victor Klemperer's diary. Seriously, how does one write a paper about someone's personal ruminations? Anyway, I should be following this up with a better post later tonight, swearsies.