Detroit, Detroit, Detroit

If you're looking for my preview, it's the previous entry. This one's a little more personal.

In this week preceding Regionals, there have been a lot of thoughts and emotions running through my head and heart. It's a mixture of thinking about last year, as well as everything that has gone into this year.

As a rookie last year, I thought we were a pretty good team. In addition to the ballers we have now, we had X and AnnDailey with all their sick throws and Shawn to pull stuff down. I heard the word "Nationals" thrown around more than once, and I have to say, I was pretty fucking excited by the prospect. That May weekend that Regionals took place on last year was a hot one -- I remember getting burnt pretty badly. The sun was unrelenting in our game against Northwestern. We were the top seed that weekend, and this was our third meeting with Northwestern that year. I remember throwing with Diane before our game, thinking about how they had beaten us at our scrimmage, and then we came back and won a nailbiter against them at Sectionals. I had only hoped we could do it again. I didn't play one minute in that whole game against Northwestern. I stalked the sidelines, screamed more than I had even talked the whole year. When it became evident that we wouldn't come back against Northwestern, and even an hour or so later, as we walked to our cars after Northwestern beat Michigan for the trip to Nationals, with Gung-ho screaming and shouting in the background, I was still shocked.

I thought I had "wanted" it then.
I know now that what I felt then is absolutely nothing close to what I feel now.

Regionals time is here again, and I can hardly believe it. This time we're not playing in our backyard, but in Michigan's. We thought we had a shot last year, but this year is different. We're a different team this time around. We're younger and faster, and I think we're a better team.

None of us on this roster has been to Nationals, and I know we all want to get there.
So play like you have nothing to lose, put it all out there; give it everything you have; don't hold anything back ... I've already run out of ready-made phrases to encourage you to just go and play your heart out.

I've never wanted anything more in my life.
I've never cried more (see: on the field after Northeastern at Roll Call, on the elevator after the Irwin practice preceding Texas Throwdown, etc.) about a team in my life, and I've been on a lot of cry-worthy teams. For one of the first times ever for me, I feel like a part of something really special. Back on my basketball and cross country teams, yeah, I was on the team, but I didn't always feel like a part of the team. This year, I feel like I can and will make contributions to help my team win. I feel accountable not only to myself, but to this team. When I don't show up to practice, yes, it hurts me, but ultimately, it hurts my team. When I don't give it my all on the field, it is my team that gets shafted.

When I'm on the sidelines with my teammates, yelling, screaming, and causing a ruckus, or when I'm on the line, standing seven strong with my teammates, I feel like I'm right where I should be. My freshman year, I felt like I had no idea what I was still doing on the team, months after I had already discovered that I wasn't any good. This year, I know why I'm still here: I love ultimate, I love this team, and I love playing ultimate with this team.

Listen guys, I know that there are a lot of people out there who doubt us. There are people out there who think Goose is a total d-bag, who think that we're a bunch of unspirited bitches, etc. etc. Even worse, there are people out there who think we're overrated. We've gone into two tournaments as the top seed, and we haven't delivered a major championship win. We got a big goose egg at Texas Throwdown after surprising teams at Trouble. I know Chicago, Northwestern, and Indiana think that us beating them shouldn't have happened, and that we're a total fluke, and I bet Michigan and Notre Dame think they can handle us any way they want to too.

But you know and I know how hard we've worked. I don't believe in the word "deserve", but I do believe in the words "pay off". If you work hard, if you put absolutely everything you have into this, I honestly believe that it will pay off. Run a little harder, work a little extra, layout without thinking. We didn't come this far for nothing. All those hours spent on the track and at conditioning practices. All those nights we spent in the Armory or in Irwin instead of outside in the sun. All those hours you spent at the gym, all those hours you spent throwing. It all comes down to whether or not you're going to use all that this weekend. Nothing's ever promised tomorrow today, so we gotta bring it.

Honestly, just thinking about this makes my stomach turn with anticipation for Saturday morning to get here already. I know I should be in bed right now, instead of up writing this, but I need to say this: I gave all of myself to this team this year. I lifted when I didn't feel like it, I ran stairs when I all I wanted to do was avoid it, I never missed a tournament or a practice because I had too much work to do. There were times where I've stood on the field, with my hands on my knees, struggling for air, head hanging heavy, shoulders drooping, thinking that I could not take another step. But I always kept pushing on -- I'd hurt for you if you'd hurt for me, and I know that any of my six friends on the line next to me would do that for me. And this weekend, I'm willing to give everything I've got, because I love ultimate, and I love you.
That's it.
There are no other words that I can use to describe this.
This is a great group of girls, and I want nothing more than to make it to Nationals with you all.


A few months ago or so, I read a really great article written by the coach of the other team that I fangirl -- UCLA Blu. One line stuck with me: "Becoming a good team is a decision to which the whole team must commit."

Good team ... whole team.
In order to be a good team, our whole team has to contribute, our whole team has to be there.
I know that all season we've been talking about Boulder, Colorado and how sweet it would be to get there. But for right now, in this moment, the only place that matters is Detroit, Michigan. It's less glamourness, more dangerous, and home to more platinum-blonde rappers and facemask wearing shooting guards than Boulder, but the road to Boulder goes through Detroit, so replace the thoughts of "Boulder, Boulder, Boulder" with "Detroit, Detroit, Detroit".

Yeah, Boulder is our ultimate destination (OMG LOLZ ROFLZ0RZ PUN UNINTENDED), but for right now Detroit is way more important. The best analogy I can make is Texas Throwdown vs. Trouble in Vegas. The chance to go to Vegas was sick, and Sin City lived up to its billing; I think we all had an incredible time. But when it came down to competition, it was probably Texas Throwdown that was more important for us as a team, even if it took place in cold ass, snow-on-the-ground Missouri. We weren't going to get tans in Columbia, but it should have been a higher priority for us.

Simply put, if you want to get to Nationals in Boulder, you better play like you belong there this weekend in Detroit.

Like Goose said, his coaching job is done now. It's time for us to take what we've learned and play to the best of our abilities. I know we're a good team. When we're on, we're really fucking on (Thanks, Rilo Kiley). We've got a lot of people with smooth throws on the team. We're fast. We have tenacious cutters. Our zone defense can run as smoothly as a well-oiled machine, and our zone offense can be flawless. At Sectionals we laid out more than any other team we played. We're a good team, we just need to be confident in that and play like it.

Part of it is showing up to play on both days. We can't take Saturday easy, and we can't "save" for Sunday. No team should be taken lightly, and we need to close games out and just take care of business. Our margin of error is very small, and we can't afford to come out slow and drag our feet. The other part of it is being there, mentally. Staying positive and focused, keeping your mind clear of dumb shit that could distract you from the game, etc. We're going to need to stay intense this weekend, completely ready to fuck everyone else up. We need to come out with only thoughts of playing good ultimate and winning on our minds. Time to put on The Game Face.

But one of the biggest parts, for me, if not the biggest part, is how much you want it. It's about heart, and it's about wanting it. Before I ran the Chicago Marathon this past fall, I made a trip up to Beloit to watch one of my best friends run in a cross country meet. She really loved running, and was good at it. Before I left, I told her that I was scared, that I wasn't sure that I'd be able to do it, and she told me that she had faith that I could, because I had heart. Here was someone who was a talented runner, someone who trained and lived running, telling me that I didn't need talent to finish -- all I needed was something I already had.

At the time, I had no idea what that even meant. But as the race wore on, I figured it out. My right quad and both calves began seizing up in the middle of the race, to the point where I could barely lift my legs to run. My knee was killing me. My head was pounding. It was hot as balls out, and the race officials didn't have enough ambulances, let alone water, to alleviate runners. People puked all around me, people passed out, people quit, and a man even died. As I like to say, shit got real.

But I never quit. I had every opportunity, but not once did I ever even think about stopping, not until I crossed the finish line. I started crying in Pilsen. I ran with tears in my eyes for the next five miles. At mile 20, I heard rumors that they were going to cancel the race. I started sprinting, and I sprinted for three miles until I got to the corner where my parents were volunteering. I collapsed to my knees and started sobbing. I had come this far, I had fought it all, and now they were saying that my effort wasn't valid? What? My body wasn't physically tired, but my insides were screaming. I wanted this bad, I didn't care who was telling me to stop and who said it was unsafe to continue. I walked the last three miles with my dad, and turning the corner, running up the bridge and then down that street, seeing my best friends cheering like assholes as I crossed the finish line ... I can't even begin to describe to you how that felt.

But whoever thought I could have done it. My own father, the man I dedicated that race to, didn't believe I could do it. I know you all know I huff harder than Michael Jackson at a Chuck E. Cheese's, so I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to finish either, but in the end, I willed myself to. There were a lot more skilled, experienced, and faster runners than me in that race, but my lack of the aforementioned traits didn't stop me from finishing. As they say, will beats skill. Why do you think there are always upsets during March Madness? Sure, good teams could have off days, but a lot of it comes from those lower seeds just wanting it more.

The same applies to Nationals.
We might not be as talented or athletic as other teams. We might not have the receivers or the throws. We might not have all the high school stars or the RSD hype-superstars. But I know we can do this. I believe in this team, and I believe that we will work and will our way to a Nationals berth. What sets us apart from other teams is how much we want this, how much heart we have (and we've got a lot of it).


When the sun is beating down on you and the heat is getting to you, ask yourself: How much do I want this?
When you're losing and you feel like you just can't play any worse: How much do I want this?
When you get tired and breaths get harder to come by: How much do I want this?
When everything starts to hurt and you can barely run anymore: How much do I want this?
How much does this mean to you?
How much do you want this?