SB2K9CENTEXPTL

QUESTION. Well, more like a warning.
If you would like to vote for Fozzy Bear for Centex Baller Bids, do so in comment form. We haven't updated our score reporter roster in about 6 years, so Fozzy is not on there (and I used said score reporter roster to make Baller Bids).

Also, don't forget you have a ten page paper due until 10am the morning that it's due. I know SB2K9 can be fun, but don't forget you have school to go back to. Don't forget you have a PS 386 examination tomorrow, or that you have a 20 page paper due next Tuesday (of which you have done approximately 0% of, or that you have a three page paper due on Monday about some readings you can't even find online, or that you have a Chinese exam next Friday. Don't forget that. And don't count on the Memorial Stadium lights being on at 7:30pm, because they won't be, and you'll have to run and wheeze and vomit your way through 15 sets of stairs at the motherfuckin' Armory. FML. Anyway, that's it. Against all rhyme and reason, I'm going to write this damn thing, because it's funner than studying. Back to fucking my life up, I guess.
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Spring Break 2009, heretofore referred to as SB2K9PTL, was epic, and possibly the best week of my life. It started off with $30 worth of Kamakura and then lying in the fetal position for hours. (Fear not everyone, I had my first three Mountain Dews of post-SB2K9, and I feel fine so far.) Then we had a great weekend in Naperthrillz at Chicago Invite (recap coming ... eventually). I ended my two day stay in the 312 with a run-in with a delirious bum on State and Jackson, in which I was almost burnt to death. But fear not, SB2K9 Party Van to the rescue! Margaret "Dfagz" Dunleavy, Mary "F.A." Kim, Kate "Fozzy" Fasbender, Melissa "Peach" Blackford, Tania "T-Bag" Reitz, and yours truly, Joann "Jewbag" Wong set off on an epic journey from Champaign-Urbana to Texas. SB2K9 ... wow. I really don't even know what to say about it. Waffle House. NBA prospects. Chinese food and reminiscing about the Zhongguo. San Antonio Zoo. Pequenos gatos. OTTERS. Dee Dee, Frank, Katie, Toby, and Zoe(y?). SB2K9SATXSASR. SB2K9 Riverwalk Barcrawl. Pico de Gallo. Big yellow cups. Mixer shenanigans. Good Lord, best week of my life. PTL.

Anyway, real ultimate, I guess. The first day of Centex, I wondered whether or not perhaps I had actually stayed in Illinois -- it was windy as hell! None of us were really prepared for this sort of weather, and after a week off, we were definitely caught off our game. We went a shameful 0-3 on Saturday, but went .500 on Sunday, when it warmed up considerably. We got the chance to play a lot of teams we don't normally get to see (Eau Claire, Florida, Claremont, Dartmouth) and also played a few repeat games against USC and Northeastern. Let's get down to the dirty dirty.

Wisconsin-Eau Claire is my new favorite team. Our games against them, particularly the one on Sunday, were intense and competitive, but undeniably a whole lot of fun. We struggled a lot in the wind on Saturday, and lost our first game against them. There were times when we'd work it upfield, a few yards at a time, and then we'd make some terrible turnover and Sol would just huck it way the fuck out of their own territory and we'd have to start all over again. We succeeded with some longer throws, with Fozzy and Jennifer leading the way, throwing some great shit through the zone, but deep shots were almost impossible with Robyn patrolling the back. We came out a lot harder on Sunday in more ideal conditions, and were able to pull out with the W, 13-11. Just so ya'll know, Robyn Fennig is everything she's advertised to be and more. Huge throws, layout D's, hammer pulls ... you name it, she's got it. We watched her get the straight dirtiest layout D in the world against Georgia on Sunday morning, and I'm sure every single person on the Illinois sideline was praising the Lord -- it was that fantastic. She's great, but she's got a lot of great teammates, too. Anna Hettler, in particular, was balling out of control, playing Sunday with a broken fanger. Even so, she was coming down with a lot of discs and just being a force for Sol. These ladies have a lot of spirit, and a great sense of humor, as well as the most fantastic dance moves I've ever seen. Listen, how they didn't win the dance-off, I'll never know. Anyway, Illinois loves Eau Claire. Ah, and the Wisconsin love affair continues ...

We also played against Claremont, in a sort of forgettable game (I say this because I literally remember nothing about this game). I don't know what it was, but nothing stands out in my memory, except that our cup worked pretty well this game, and there were points where one cup (me, Lucifer, Jennifer?) played together for a good number of points in a row. Anyway, we drop this one 9-10. In our last game of the day we had Florida in a game of straight hucks. They love that deep throw, don't they? Was this our DGP game? I can't even remember. Either way, we dropped this one 8-9. Ugh.

Disheartened that we lost our shot at the Championship Bracket, we parked ourselves on the sidelines of the Dartmouth/Maryland game and the UCSD/Colorado game. Kimmy D and Margaret went to "eat cucumbers", Miss Foster shit her pants, Nora Doyle warmed up for the Rookie Showcase game, and Lisa, Lucifer, Bokim87, and company went to town on decorating their discs. Afterwards, we had a delicious barbecue dinner while watching the Rookie Showcase game. Now that game was a lot of fun. To be sure, it was a lot bit shameful to see flicks that were exponentially better than mine, but you know, I do what I can with the inferior genes I was given. Anyhow, I am absolutely positive that the Illinois/UCSD contingent on the sidelines were the rowdiest in attendance. We most likely made your rookies blush we were screaming so hard. Nora Doyle and Piper might hate us now. But good GOD did we heckle. Listen, if during the showcase game, or at any point this weekend really, you wondered to yourself, "Who are those assholes?", the answer to that question is none other than Illinois. So shameless. Fantastic. We stuck around after the game for a little bit of dance-off action (all heckling, no dancing), and had a great time. Our personal faves were Eau Claire and USC on that Mulan tip. So good.

As if our shit-tastic record on the day wasn't enough, the Weizeorick Wagon wouldn't start and we sat in the parking lot for an eternity, during which I asked dumb questions about love at first sight/love songs/Akon songs, and Juicy Juice immunity juice was turned down, prompting Margaret to explode, "It's just juice, BITCH." Anyway, we got the van started finally, and went to numerous locales to find some liquid consolation. We fell asleep that night to the sounds of Mario Kart on Wii and Peach/Baby Peach acting a fool, and awoke that morning before the bums were even out.

Even though we were gearing up to play at approximately ungodly o'clock, Sunday morning was already a better day weather-wise than Saturday. We started our quest for 17th against Dartmouth, a team we had never played before, or at least not in my time with the team. We started the game off on a high note, scoring two points back-to-back on sick ridiculous layout grabs by Jennifer Marie and Tania Marie. I felt like we were playing pretty well, with some great deep shots and the ballsy-iest/most hilarious pass I've ever seen in my life (I won't describe it here ... you had to be there, really), but I guess not, because we dropped this one 8-15. T-Bag got herself a pair of yellow shorts though, so that was pretty tight.

After yet another disappointing loss, we got another match-up with Northeastern (beat them at Pres Day 11-9), and this game went decidedly better than all our previous games. I sacrificed my white for Lucifer and threw on the LISTEN shirt, and we just went out and had fun. Lisa pulled out every single encouragement in the book, and even though we let them back in the game, we pulled out our first win of the weekend 14-11. After a win against Eau Claire (mentioned above) and an extended break, we finished off the weekend against USC, a team we played at Pres Day. It was hot as hell(ions ... a-ha, a-ha) for this game, and our dear fair-skinned friend Margaret caught fire and was playing ridiculous as shit. Bitches ain't shit, yo. Huzzah! She was catching crazy ass hammers and swill left and right, and just generally being wherever we needed her to be, bailing our asses out. Even so, we dropped this one 6-9.

And that was Illinois Menace SB2K9CentexPTL. Because we were either busy playing or busy with car troubles all weekend, I didn't get to watch very many games outside of ours or Eau Claire's (we were almost always on adjacent fields), but I did get to make a few observations based on what little I got to see. A few notes:

• Georgia Bosscher is stupendous, but what makes Wisconsin such a dangerous team is the fact that the rest of her team doesn't rely on her to make the big plays. You see that sometimes on other teams; players will begin to rely on others to make the big play instead of stepping up and doing it themselves, but on this team, almost any player they have on the field at any given time can and will take control and play big time. They get the most out of each and every single one of their players, and they're just a very well-oiled machine. They've got a great group of handlers who work together really well and a sickeningly athletic group of receivers. The fact that I didn't choose them to win Centex aside, definitely buy Bella Donna stock.
• A game I wish I could have seen more of was the UCSB/Ottawa game. Now, I easily could have just, you know, turned around, but ... I didn't. So suck it. Anyway, Kaela Jorgenson is so ballin'. On a team full of flat ballers, I've decided that she is my favorite. She's a monster player, and just so difficult to contain. UCSB as a whole is so effing ridiculous. I was so impressed by the way they worked the disc. Practically no hesitation, just back and forth across and up and down the field. I never really noticed UCSB in the last two years I've watched them at Natties, but they've definitely got my attention now.
• Tory Hislop is a lot better than I gave her credit for (it's hard when you're playing in the enormous shadow of Mighty Mouse). I wanted to count UBC out this year in the NW, but Tory, Candice Chan, and Jenny Lo are fantastic, and I think they should be just fine. I'm don't think they'll win it all again, but hey, I've been wrong about a lot of things before.
  
• Ottawa? WHAT? I knew what I was doing when I chose them for my team preview; they're flat ballin', shit. Bringing only 11 players to a tournament (did I hear/read that correctly?) and straight STOMPING through everyone? Wearing a non-jersey and still schooling fools? I have no words. Gee-zus.
  
• Listen, I got a good look at a lot of jerseys this weekend, and even though I think ours are pretty sweet, here are my top five jerseys in women's college ultimate:
  
  • UCSB
    
  • Wisconsin
    
  • Michigan
    
  • Wisconsin-Eau Claire
    
  • Western Washington
    
  Your jerseys are tiiiiight. Can I holler?
  

So, I don't know if you can tell, but I love making lists, and SB2K9 Party Van put together a pretty fantastic list during the course of our bestweekever together. Now, before I go into this list, I want to make it clear that we do not mean this in a "te-hee-hee girl-on-girl", assigning numerical values way. We're not thirsty at all. I am in fact the least thirsty person I have ever met in my life. I already have a wifey (Margaret + Jewbag = Centex Cutest Couple), a wild stallion, a Weezy, and countless dips and kicks, so don't get the wrong idea. We met a lot of cool females, with great style, personalities, and hair cuts, and we just wanted to honor those that were just the gosh darn cutest at Centex '09. Also, the game is not "Would you do her?" or even "Is she hot?". It's "Is she cute?" Also, keep in mind that we didn't see everyone, so if you don't see yourself on this list and you're a cutie who went to Centex, maybe we just didn't see you. Or maybe you just need to up your game, ask yourself that. If you'd like to go through an appeals process because you weren't on this list or because you think you deserve higher, hook me up with three of your best CreepBook photos, a short paragraph about your cuteness, and I'll call a SB2K9 meeting to discuss it.

That being said, this list was painstakingly put together after three days of deliberation and one SB2K9 Party Van (minus Peach, naturally) discussion. Enjoy.

Centex Cuties '09
1. Marcella "Rex" Grimaux, USC
2. Martha Harris, Wisconsin-Eau Claire
3. Katie Kessler, USCD
4. Candice ?, Claremont
5. Alyssa Weatherford, Western Washington
6. Stephanie Redfern, Texas
7. Rohre Titcomb, Dartmouth
8. Charlie Mercer, Maryland
9. Frolicking Puppy
10. Laura Bitterman, Wisconsin
Honorable Mentions: Janelle "Piper" Becker (UCSD), Kate Enzenauer (USC)

Believe me, coming up with even just ten cuties was difficult. SB2K9 Party Van has high standards. Fear not, we'll be back for Natties Cuties '09 when, well, Natties rolls along. See you then, cuties.

Other than that, though ...

Things I Learned from SB2K9PTL:
1. If you give your phone number to a 60-year old man behind a camera, you are most likely agreeing to star in a porno. That being said, "The Guardian" will be a straight-to-DVD bust.
2. They no longer sell Shammys anywhere.
3. High school Spanish impresses many Texans.
4. Pequenos gatos do not like the rain.
5. Walking down the steps off Commerce St. onto the San Antonio Riverwalk will most likely get you a numerical value you won't be happy with. On that note, you get points for being ballsy, even if you're not stylin'.
6. When people say they are eating "cucumbers", what they really mean is that they are eating Easter candy.
7. Staying at the photographer's house means he takes a lot of photos of you. =)
8. When you are in a fight with the SB2K9 Party Van, there is no wooing us back, no matter who you are, how cute/hot you are, or how good at frisbee you are.
9. Dying giraffes sound like Jennifer Marie Weizeorick after she has had the wind knocked out of her and is rolling/thrashing about on the ground.
10. Never rely on someone else to bring the iPod adapter, unless you want to hear the following songs more times than you ever want to again in your life: "Dead and Gone" T.I. and Justin Timberlake, "I Hope It Gives You Hell" The All-American Rejects, "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (but I still love it, I think), "Right Round" Flo Rida


So like I said, SB2K9PTLbestweekofmylife. All in all, everything was fantasmic. It was a great last tournament before the Series, and we know we have a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot of work to be done before we can grab a bid to Natties. Hopefully by the time Regionals rolls around, we'll have ended our love affair with DGP games ... Anyhow, thanks to everyone involved for all the hospitality, all the good times, and an absolutely incredible tournament.

On a more sober note, I was happy to hear from other folks who were making the long drive back from Texas on Sunday night, and I hope everyone got back okay. We do it after almost every tournament, but tournaments like this that take you so far from home only magnify the severity of the situation. We run our bodies into the ground for two days straight, and immediately following, we ask our bodies to cooperate so we can stay awake long enough to drive home into the wee hours of the morning. Our van didn't get into Champaign until 8am on Monday morning (just in time for class, PTL), but not after a night of continued driving, with only what, three or four stops? I hope everyone was safe, and that no navigators fell asleep during the night, and that no one was caught in Arkansas cruise controlling at 100.

Bless our hearts.