Central Prains Sectionals: Or, How We Do in the Flatland

20 page EALC paper? (semi) Check.
Weekly 4 page International Security paper? Check.
10 page International Security paper? Check.
10 page Internattie Law paper? Check.
SUCK IT, SCHOOL.
POST-SB2K9WORSTWEEKOFMYLIFE.

Crazy week, ya'll. I'm sorry for not posting sooner. Honest to God, I wanted to post right when the Centex Cuties poll was over because I was so excited about the results and turnout, but I'm seeing the end of the tunnel with these damn papers (just four more, not including the weekly paper), and I'm all yours (and the LSAT's, but that's a different story). PTL I'm almost done with these wretched papers. PTEFFINL.


Okay enough bitchin', so first things first.

Absofruitly FANTASTIC turnout on the Centex Cuties poll. Maybe for the Natties edition we'll get over 200 votes. Sick. By then, Cuties Congress will also have come up with more clear stipulations and standards for the Cuties List. I know I said it before, but I feel like I might need to say it again. The game is NOT "Is she hot?" or "Would you do her?", because if that were the case, WEEZY WOULD BE THE ONLY PERSON ON THAT LIST. The game is "Is she cute?" Respect the game. As Cuties Chairwoman, I promise that Natties Cuties will be fantasmic, and the best Cuties list you've ever seen in your life. You will look at that list, and agree that you'd want to kick it with each and every hunny on it. Guarantee it, or I'll be pulled over and ticketed/jailed the next time I cruise control at 100mph in Are-kansas.

So in case you couldn't take the time to take a gander to your left, your Centex Cutie '09 is KATIE KESSLER!
We saw multiple lead changes throughout the duration of the poll, and a huge surge in votes in the last few days, but you made your choice, extremelysmallsubsetof America, and you thought Katie was just the gosh darn cutest, and I have to say that I agree, impartiality be damned! If you don't know who Katie is, you're missing out, because she is super fantastic, and is an Illinois BFFF. She knows all the best places to shop in PB, and helped feed our addiction to West Coast raw fish. Also, she housed our rowdy asses while we were in San Diego, and brightened up our rainy President's Day. WE LOVE YOU, KATIE!
(if you think this is it for Centex Cuties, you are wrong. look for a separate entry coming in the next two weeks)

Speaking of belated poll results, I want to take this time out to congratulate Margaret and Lisa on their Baller Bids wins for Centex and Chicago Invite, respectively. Lisa rocked it out at CI, regularly making spectacular one-handed grabs and hand-blocking ladiez like it was no big thang. Margaret caught fire at Centex and brought us back into contention in a lot of games where we were struggling to find a spark. She was making ridiculous grabs and scoring all over the place. Fantastic work, women.

Oh, and I'm not recapping Chicago Invite. That was too long ago. But we took second place with nine players. We rocked that shit. I completely tacoed a disc with my fat bod. My BFFF was there. Our rookies were heckled to no end. North Park put on a fantastic tournament, and my only gripe is that they ran out of discs so quickly. 'Twas a great start to SB2K9.

Also, I hope you all made it out to The Huddle to check out the Women's Centex feature. Fantastic job by everyone involved, especially Michelle for organizing everything and making everything associated with Centex a massive success.

By the by, if I hear "Halo" one more time ... I might really like it. Uh ... oops. Thanks a lot, Beeyonss (you know her as Beyonce, I guess). I may or may not have just e-mailed 107.9 JAMZ and requested "Halo" for Weezy. Oops. In my defense, I miss Weezy A LOT. Listen, Weezy KNOWS. Weezy hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night. Weezy is the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to Weezy's light. I swore I'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like fallin' ...

United Airlines Flight 330 from Lindbergh to O'Hare, Row 19 Seat B loves you. "The Empress" be DAMNED. SB2K9 Party Van Backseat/Bitch Bench pines for you.
My life is a fuckin' shit show.


Okay, enough about how my life has gone to shit. The meat of my post. The College Series is finarry underway for us, and I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that this couldn't have come sooner. At first I was in a bit of shock that the weekend is finally here, and then I was a little bit terrified, but now I'm just ready to play. In preparation for this weekend, I have clocked Alexis in the face, slept approximately twice, and paid $27 for raw ass fish. And I've been dreaming about that raw fish for weeks. It didn't turn out exactly as I had hoped, but then again the 217 is no W/Best Coast. Listen, I know I'm getting off-topic, but I need to be back there. Someone explain to JSA that even though I listed Princeton as my top choice, what I really meant is that I want another summer driving golf carts and torturing my hormonal 14 year old high school students at Stanford. Because I know there is delicious, spicy raw fish there. I mean, raw fish that could probably burn a hole in my life like the hole in my heart that was ripped out when Weezy and I separated. I mean, I want sushi so spicy that it has a picture of Weezy next to it on the menu. I once had a spicy tuna roll so spicy, I felt the devil inside me. It was so fantastic.


Ok sorry. I can't keep writing about sushi.
Sectionals. Once again, we'll be female-blazin' our way through the Ville of Thrill this weekend, and it should be epic. Playing at the polo fields always feels like playing at home, sort of, but anyway. We've got a bit of a packed schedule going on this weekend, unfortunately we don't have a last round bye, but whatevs.

The day begins at the manageable time of 9am, and not 8, PTL. We set it off with a U of I showdown against our Chicago counterparts. This is going to be our first matchup with UIC this spring. I don't know too much about them, but I recognize a couple of the grad students they've got on their roster. They've got a healthy amount of green on score reporter this spring, including a 12-10 win over Wisconsin-B. They've also got what looks to be some close losses against North Park (9-13) and SLU (9-13, same margin we lost by). This should be a decently challenging game to start off the day with.

Next game we keep it within the U of I system when we FINALLY get to face off with the one and only Illinois-B(onertown). This team is ridiculous. You've seen their hammers, their hucks, and their handblocks. This might very well be Illinois-A in disguise. The only thing not so intimidating about this team is that they don't have a horrendously terrifying name like Menace. That being said, here are my offerings for a team name. Let me know what you think:

• Illinois Bonertown
• Illinois Brownsound
  
• Illinois Bitches Ain't Shit
  
• Illinois Blowjayz (okay, maybe not this one ... but maybe this one)
  
• Illinois Battlestar Galactica
  
• Illinois Beetleborgs
  
• Illinois Backstreet's Back
  
• Illinois Blu
  
• Illinois Burning Skirts
  
• Illinois Bella Donna
  

As you can tell, there is no real theme, other than everything starts with "B". I don't know, whatever, those were just my thoughts. Let me know what you think.

Purdue is our next opponent. In the past, this team has been carried on the shoulders of two main handlers, but I'm not sure they're around anymore. Other than that though, we don't really see them during the regular season, and it doesn't look like they've played in many tournaments this year. Hopefully we take care of business.

Ugh, we get a bye in the middle of the day. How awk.
This bye will precede our final game of the day, against dumdumdum North Park. They were also our epic last game of the day on Saturday of Chicago Invite, and it was a pretty good game. We played tremendous D with some great play by Fozzy Oso and Peach, and hopefully we do more of the same this weekend. North Park has a solid team, and they've been having a really successful spring, coming into this weekend off a Whitesmoke Tournament win. They're probably pretty hyped to get another shot at us, so we can't get that post-bye, end of the day lazy that could fuck us over.

Sunday is a veritable battle of the states (Illinois > Indiana, anyone care to disagree?), as we play only schools from Indiana. We start off with Valpo, who knocked our B-Team out of the champies bracket at Chicago Invite last month. I don't know too much about these Chicks, nor do I know anything about Indiana. I've heard some less than flattering things about the latter, but that might just be hear-say. Anyway, if we can win all our games, we might meet up with another team from Indiana (Notre Dame, defending CP champs) in the 'SHIP.

All in all, it should be a good weekend. I won't predict anything, but we can definitely win it. We've stressed it all week, and the name of the game is efficiency. Making good decisions. Choosing the easy throw. Looking off the hard throw. Not doing bat shit crazy things. As long as we can keep our heads and play clean ultimate, we should play well. Everyone is relatively healthy, and I think this might be one of the first times all spring we've been at full capacity, so I'm amped.

Tourney week. Weezy. Five shorts. Raw fish. Stray cats.
Let's. Go.

Fuck around and I am HYPE as hell.