Chicago Invite 2K9

Firstly, before I write anything else, let me say this: I will NEVER call it Willis Tower. NEVER. I would sooner die. If I ever hear any of you call it that, so help me God ... This is just as bad as calling Comiskey Park "The Cell", or calling Marshall Fields "Macy's". Unforgivable.

Secondly, I want to apologize for being extremely negligent. I know that everyone needs to get their guilty pleasure, "this is so bad but I can't look away" reading fix and I don't want anyone going out and buying Ann Coulter books or anything, so hopefully I can hurry up and dominate the LSAT, graduate college, and get into the law school of my choice so I can quit locking myself in my room for 24 hours+ at a time.

Thirdly, wow. I got obliterated on those predictions. I should just quit, dang. Well, at least I was closer on the SI results this year than I was last year. I'm a little disappointed that Oregon and Washington don't appear to be playing in any more tournaments until the Series, because I kind of wanted to see another Oregon/Washington matchup, since I was so hyped on Element at the beginning of the season. But there is always, always NW Regionals. And if anyone wanted to invite me to that, I wouldn't be mad or anything. And it has been suggested that I jinx Wisconsin, so I'm going to avoid predicting tournament wins for them unless they're playing 20 different teams that are all composed of me.

So. Spring Break is thiiiiiiiis close.
FINARRY.

Lucky us, we get to kick it all off in Naperthrillz at Chicago Invite. As defending CI champs, we'll be expected to bring it. The competition should be pretty good, as many, many Sectional and Regional foes will be present. Pool B is looking dangerous with St. Louis sitting on top, and they've got a couple of wins over some good teams. Pool C is looking scissorstastic with Illinois-B and Marquette. There's some rando on Marquette that I may or may not have known for the past eight years (ROFFLE looking young as hell) of my life. We may have been bromantically involved for the last, what? Four or five years? Whatever. And Illinois-B will be making a splash at their first tournament ever!

In addition to cheering on our young friends and reuniting with old loves, Saturday is a packed schedule, with you know, actual playing. The morning begins with Illinois State. They don't have any scores reported, and I don't know anyone on their roster, so I don't have much to say. The only game I can recall ever having played against them was at Sectionals last year, in a game that we just prolonged with our sloppy play. I'll let that speak for itself.

Listen, how am I supposed to do a half-decent write-up if people don't update their rosters? I feel like Loyola's roster has looked the same each and every time I try to do a write-up on them -- barren. Anyway, I guess they've been working really hard for a bid to Nationals this year, and I think one of their girls plays with Nemesis, and that's about the extent of my knowledge. As for scores, apparently Loyola traveled all the way to Georgia to play the same two teams over and over again (lost three close and not-so-close games against Virginia and got two W's against Boston College).

Wisconsin-B should be another challenging game. Atropa (DEADLY NIGHTSHADE, WTF. i'd be scared shitless to play a team named deadly nightshade) went into Vegas seeded something like 40, and ended up in the top 10. Pretty ridiculous. Something striking about this team is that this is a pretty experienced group of players -- a few of the girls on this roster played with Bella Donna last year at Nationals, so I really wouldn't go to sleep on this team.

Our last game of the day is against North Park, and it should be a good one. I wasn't around in the fall, so I can't speak for what happened then, but the games I've played in against this team have been memorable for reasons I don't want to recall or repeat. Recognize that we could lose this game. Recognize how spitting mad we'd be if this were to happen. Recognize that if we lose this game, we may as well not even show up and play on Sunday. Listen. RECOGNIZE.

All that being said, it's going to be a fun weekend. It's our first tournament in a long, long time, and we're going to be seeing some old friends (and hopefully one very special new fan). Plus, it'll finarry be spring break. Praise the heavens. See you in Chicago, ya'll.

Oh, before I forget, here is a warning to everyone attending Chicago Invite. Don't say I didn't warn you all, and don't say I didn't make it crystal effin' clear. Listen, if anyone is wearing neon-colored dunks/dunk imitations, a scarf-dana and/or an ascot, aviators, and/or a shirt that doesn't match the rest of the team's jerseys while playing, I'm going to spontaneously explode into a ball of flames. Listen, I won't go so far as to get all Chuck Grassley on your ass, but I'm just saying: You are NOT hypebeast. Good GOD. FYL, honestly.



In case you are still reading, a few unrelated notes that I felt like writing because if I study another minute for this midterm or write another word for this paper, I'm going to go insane.
A. OKAY, THESE TWO ARE INCREDIBLE. MY HEART JUST MELTED.
B. Speaking of hearts melting ... Listen Weezy, although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I'm leaving my life in your hands. People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, risking it all in a glance. And how you got me blind is still a mystery, I can't get you out of my head, Weezy. Don't care what is written in your history, as long as you're here with me. I don't care who you are, Weezy. Where you're from. What you did. As long as you love me.
C. Now, I don't know how many of you are fans of basketball, but basketball is my first love, and March Madness is upon us. This is arguably my favorite time of the year, honestly. I follow both the men and the women, but my favorite team of all time is UConn. We are on point this year, and if you're not convinced, ask North Carolina and Oklahoma what they think. All I have to say is that Courtney Paris better be ready to pay up (bless her heart). But really, I just wanted to say that Maya Moore is a BEAST. Two-time Big East Player of the Year, and she's only a sophomore. I was once less than a foot away from Maya Moore, and all I could do was stare. She is fantastic.

This video is incredible. Fast forward to 0:45 and watch from there.



I think I might have mentioned that defensive play last year around this time, where Texas steals the ball, throws it upcourt to a player on a fast break, with Maya Moore trailing. She puts her head down and goes into Rocket Mode, and swats that easy basket out without so much as a foul -- INCREDIBLE. I was speechless. Listen, UConn is winning it all. I know this isn't a basketball blog, but I needed to let the world/all seven of you know.