2K9: Work Hard, Get Bank

URGENT UPDATE: If anyone can provide me with an MP3 of "Love in this Club" by The Days, I will make all your wildest dreams come true. I will dedicate the first installation in my "Shame? I Don't Have It" book series to you. I will wear my high school cross country shorts and my sweet new mesh UPA Club Natties tank top and wash your car. I will wear my AMERICA tank top on a day that isn't the fourth of July or the second day of College Natties. I will do anything.

That is all.

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And so the New Year begins ... (Okay, so I'm a little late on this, sue me. Actually, sue my phone/internet company. Thanks for the week and counting without internet guys, it was awesome! At least in China I had internet, even if I couldn't Google or Youtube whatever I wanted!)

The '07/'08 season was a great one, with plenty of memorable games and heartwarming/wrenching stories. Washington Element played through this past season with a lot of strength and a whole lot of chutzpah without their captain, Sarah Plants. Just days after Sarah lost her battle with brain cancer, Element went on to play at Trouble in Vegas, making a play for finals on Sunday. That is, Element was balling along before they ran into Ottawa. If you hadn't been paying attention, like me, you might have missed Ottawa going into the '08 season. But they've been up thar in Canada, just putting together an army of champions. Ottawa went into the desert and came out with a tournament win convincing enough to lead this clueless blogger to believe it'd be a very Canadian finals at Natties.

Speaking of Natties, the stories began before the tournament even started. MIT made a return to Nationals, after a little hiatus, while defending champs Stanford took their own hiatus from the (Big) Dance floor. The Northwest was an absolute slugfest, with heavyweights like UBC, Washington, Oregon, Stanford, and Berkeley to name just a few, fighting it out for the three spots (three bids just somehow doesn't seem like enough) to Broulder, Ballerado. Ok, quick gripe -- what the HELL am I supposed to do with Columbus? Brohio I got, but Columbus?! Anyway. In the end, Stanford was the odd woman out, and Superfly's impressive string of Natties rings had to stop at three. Meanwhile, representing SoCal, a young UCSB team made a return to the final game, getting their ticket there by beating UCLA (thereby throwing all "Red White and Blu" or "Blu.S.A.!" cheers out the window), the team that beat them at Southwest Regionals. In the end, however, the Burning Skirts were no match for Mighty Mouse and the Thunderbirds (a weird combination if you ask me). Following up their Centex win with a Natties double you in one of the messiest, windiest games I've ever witnessed, UBC and Kira Frew got the trophy Kira was really concerned with -- the Championship one. Finally, in the club scene, Fury staged the comeback of the year with their unbelievable come-from-behind win over Riot in Sarasota for the '08 UPA Club ring and the greenest season ever on Score Reporter. 

We also had a pretty good year here at Illinois. At our first tournament of the year, we gave the country a kick in the pants and finished in the top 8 at Trouble in Vegas, after close games against UCLA and Wisconsin. We didn't fare so well at Texas Throwdown, but learned where we needed to be as a team -- and more importantly who we needed to be as a team -- to get to where we wanted to go. We took out our frustrations by whooping on every team at Chicago Invite and winning our first spring tournament. We lost to familiar foe Northwestern on the first day of Sectionals, and lost our shot at winning outright, but fought through the end of Sunday to peak at just the right time and defeated Indiana and Northwestern emphatically for second place. Regionals was absolutely epic, as we played with a lot of fight and a hell of a lot of heart against Northwestern and UChicago for the right to face Michigan in the final on Sunday morning. The final ... didn't go well. Michigan was heads and shoulders above us as a team, and put us away pretty handedly (although we did go on a scoring run, oh snap!) The game-to-go against Michigan State will remain forever infamous (pun intended, roflhouse lollerskates), and I don't think it needs reviewing. Needless to say, we found ourselves on the other side of the celebration again, and that three point difference is absolutely crushing. But '09 is just around the corner, and we need to make a trip to the bank ...

Even though memories of last season are still sitting with me, there's a lot to look forward to this spring. With all the Conference 1/NCUA drama, it'll be interesting to see what the Task Force (Really? No better name was available? Let's look at just a snippet of my portfolio: Legion of Ballers. Team Asia. Boo Patrol. Team Icehouse. CLEARLY yours truly was not contacted for the most vital task of naming the aforementioned task force) and the UPA come up with. It will also be exciting to see the ladies show what they've got this spring. Women are saying yes we can, and we're seeing teams like Stanford, Texas, and UCSD break away from Cultimate's reign to run their own tournaments (Stanford Invite, Centex, Pres Day, respectively). I have a feeling it'll be another exciting year in the college women's scene.

We all know my sterling record for predictions, so I may as well make an asshole of myself right away and make some pre-season predictions. First off, Canada is on the scene, talkin' all funny and beating a lot of teams while they're at it. Both Ottawa and UBC are Natties teams this year, I'll say that now. UBC has a fight up there in the Northwest, but they'll get a spot to Nationals, even if it isn't the top one. (I'll say more about that later) I won't go so far as to say either team will win the title, but I guess I'll get my first look this February. I don't know very much about teams from the NE and Metro East, so I'm going to stay safe and say nothing about the NE, and that I'm pretty sure Ottawa will make it out of the Metro East. If Charlie Mercer is back for Helpful, Helpful Corn, Helpful Helpful Helpful Corn, then Maryland will also be in good hands.

Three regions that I'm finding a bit unpredictable this year are the South, Northwest, and Atlantic Coast regions. With the departure of several major players, I don't know that Texas' spot at the top is necessarily safe. If they're not on top of their game, up-and-coming teams like St. Louis, WashU, Texas A&M, and of course Truman State are waiting in the wings. The Northwest is always ridiculous, but I'm putting Washington at the head of the class. They're young and they're talented, and I have money on them doing well this season. The rest of the region will be exciting to watch, too. After Oregon's season ended in a heartbreaker to Wisconsin at Natties, I'm sure they'll be back with a vengeance, and so will Stanford, who didn't even get to make the trip to Broulder. If UBC knew about this, they'd probably hate me for putting them behind Element, even though they're still National champions, but I just really can't help but wonder what it'll be like for them to lose Kira Frew, and that great group of grad students they had (Will somebody correct me if I'm wrong? Are Iris Wong, Shira Bick, Candice Chan, and Negar Elmieh coming back this season?). Then again, they're on top until someone can knock them off next May. UBC is still the team with the target on its back.

In the Atlantic Coast, Wake Forest will be a team to watch. Despite the departure of the third runner-up for the '08 Callahan, Lucia Derks, this young team is going to grow a lot by the time the College Series rolls around. Don't let their early season results be your only impression of them, because I believe sophomore captain Kennedy Wolfe and company will have learned a lot by the time it's April/May. Also, keep an eye out for that angry Asian, SMASHley Chan at Duke (WORST BASKETBALL TEAM EVER)! AC All-Region '09!

In the Southwest, I see the same ol', same ol' with UCSB and UCLA duking it out again. I'm going to be a little crazy though, and say that this year UCSB has the edge on UCLA. I know Katie Barry is gone, but the Skirts still have Andrea Romano, Carolyn Finney, and Kaela Jorgenson, while Blu loses some of those ballin' ass seniors they had last year. More so than last season, I think the Great Lakes is up for grabsies. Well, let me rephrase. Michigan is the best team in the GL, but it's top competitor is still a question mark. Can Michigan State align the fish head gods once more? Is this finally the year for UChicago? Is Northwestern going to beat State College U once again? Will Illinois finally back up their cocky douchebag blogger's claims?

While I believe the West Coast dominance the women's game has seen will continue with teams like Washington and Stanford at the fore, I am tellin' all ya'll right now: the Midwest is coming (click, clack), and Wisconsin is leading the pack. Wisconsin is legit, and this isn't even the fangirl talking. I like the way this team looks, and I'm glad I'm not playing in the Central region. They're bringing in Andover stud Rachael Westgate and Brute Squad's Amber Sinicrope, and I think both should make an impact right away. Not only that, they're also returning some big-name players. Georgia "WonderDread" Bosscher is back and still balling out of control ... as if it were even a question. Emelie McKain devastated pretty much everyone in women's college ultimate last year, breaking marks and breaking hearts. Courtney Kiesow, '08's Callahan, is back for another year, and a lot of Bella Donna's veteran cutters will be back, too. Wisco's going to be scary good this year. Bank on that.

Other great Midwest teams to look out for are Michigan and Wisconsin-Eau Claire. While they won't be as dominant as they were last year, Michigan is still going to be the team to beat in the Great Lakes. All-Region Emily Baecher has insane throws, and GL Rookie of the Year Becky Malinowski gets balleringer each time I see her play, and I can only imagine how much better she's gotten since I saw her ball in July. It's actually scary to think about. Wisc-Eau C is led by Robyn Fennig, probably one of the best players people outside of the Midwest have never heard of.  I think Eau C has a good chance of beating out Carleton for the number two spot in the Central this season, because let's face it, Wisco is top dog.

'08's Fastest Woman? '08's Callahan? Rod Blagojevich? (OKAY OKAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE) '08-'12's (at the very least, you know) President? You think it's a coincidence alla that came out of the Middle West in the past year? Nope. The Midwest is legit, I've been saying it all along. Midwest Hype Squad. Taste it.

2009 will be a great season. There'll be a new feel-good story of the year,  new underdogs to root for, familiar faces, and new superstars. All the teams that ended their season with a loss last spring will be working and toiling away for that first W, and UBC will have to prove it can stay on top without their little rock. I can hardly wait for that first tournament -- Pres Day -- and the deep ache my muscles haven't felt since October. It'll be nice to get back to that place -- that place of having a tournament we're preparing for and a tournament we're looking forward to. In-season is the best season, as we all know. As the '09 season rolls in for Illinois, look for this cool-ass kid to be rollin' through your field/town on that fresh China-label shit, rockin' the cut-off shirt. I'll be humming "Love in this Club", or even a brand new song, shit! My colloquial game will still be snappin' hot, and my Lookin' Ass dominance will remain unparalleled. It's been a long four months, and I'm itching to throw on the jersey for real. But in the meantime friends, I hope you and yours are enjoying and making the best of this great new year.