Before There Were Lasers

a. Sorry for the hiatus ya'll, it's been a crazy coupla weeks. Turning old, job interviews, real-world big-girl-britches job hunting, having a phone and then not having one and then having one and then not having it and finally getting it back for good, club ultimate and b/summer league, watching various sporting events on my parents' 55" HD flat screen, coming up with different ways to say "teach me how to dougie", etc. etc. Crazy shit. Anyway, got just a lil' bit to write about, not all of it ultimate-related. I'm thinking about starting a non-ultimate blog so I can keep this blog focused solely on ultimate (as about three of you "serious readers" breathe a sigh of relief), but I need to think on that a little more, as my life isn't really interesting enough to justify a whole blog about it.
b. Living at home has its perks, but there are also many "prices" to a rent-free sojourn (You can just call me Big Pun what UP). I have gotten into the habit of waking up between the hours of 6 and 8am everyday just to practice for when I am gainfully employed. Because I am at home by myself for most of the daytime, my parents always set out multiple tasks for me to accomplish throughout the day, and while these tasks vary in nature, they often take me all over the city of Chicago, and all over my house. Recently I was helping my dad move some things in basement storage up to our new display case in the living room. My parents have an entire bookcase full of photo albums in our storage room. I sat down and started leafing through some albums, just for funsies. I found a picture of myself "listening" either my mother or my father (off-camera) at the age of 2 or 3 in Daley Plaza. I also found a picture of myself looking HARD AS HELL standing next to my mom's old purple Nissan Altima. What up. Shit is pretty hilarious. I feel like ya'll might appreciate these photos, so when my laptop battery isn't dying I'll hook the scanner up and throw those bad boys up here for ya'll to have a good laugh at.
c. As I mentioned, a lot of what I'm doing currently (looking for jobs, going on interviews, running errands for my parents, etc.) requires me to drive a LOT. This means I'm spending a lot of my time driving in my car and listening to the radio. In fact, I listen to the radio so much that I have a few observations about it:
- Matthews and I actually have "songs": "California Gurls", obviously, and "I Made It". No lie, we hear these songs literally every single time we get in the car together. And that is actually a LOT. What up.
- How many songs is Usher currently involved with on the radio? Like four? That Justin Bieber song. OMG. That techno sounding one with Pitbull, which I am surprisingly a big fan of. There Goes My Baby, which I am unsurprisingly a HUGE fan of. I find myself whispering that quite often. YIKES.
- I heard the WGCI remix of "Ignition" recently. God I miss R. Kelly, and goodness I love 'GCI.
- Artists that I've never seen live that I would love to see live: LUPE FIASCO, Lady GaGa (How fucked up would that be?!), Katy Perry (just for California Gurls, then I'd probably leave), Drake, Taylor Swift. Unforch, I probably would never have the money to even see one of these people live. Oh well.
- Artists that I've seen before that need to play a show by me soon: RILO KILEY, Jenny Lewis, The Larry Limbs, Sara Bareilles, Cursive. This could also be labeled "Artists that need to come out with new music soon" (Sara is the only exception, can't wait for Kaleidoscope Heart).
- Comeback that I sort of appreciate: Eminem. This is a qualified comment though, because while I appreciate that he's coming back, I don't appreciate that he is SUPER angry in all of his songs. Eh.
- Throwback group that is totally making a comeback on radio: Destiny's Child. I have heard Destiny's Child on the radio like three times in the last two days. Yessssssss. Somewhere Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, LeToya Luckett, LaTavia Roberson, and Farrah Franklin are rejoicing and getting their Shake Weight on to get ready for a reunion tour.
- Song that doesn't need to make a comeback but apparently is: "Big Girls Don't Cry" Fergie. The WORST.
d. I saw "Inception" recently, just to see what all these bitches were hollering about *Milan voice*. It. Was. AWESOME. Words can't even express! Also, I am in LOVE with Ellen Page. In LOVE. What a mature role for her, and I think she really nailed it. She and Rashida Jones are now neck and neck for the top spot on the list of Women I Would Be Totally Gay For. Good thing Christopher Nolan had her dressed up in totally asexual, completely blah-clothing. *whew* Marion Cotillard is also GORGEOUS. But if there's one thing I learned from Inception, it's that I am a complete sucker for a good looking man in a good looking suit. As I said before: Joseph Gordon-Levitt -- who the SHIT knew?! (That JGL/Ellen Page scene -- yeah you know which one -- was my favorite. Hilarious.) And that whole weird tooth (snaggle tooth? Joanie? ANTM? Delirious late drive home from Centex '10? Sarah Rosenwinkel?) aside, that guy who played Eames was HOT. The plot was alright too, I guess. (AKA I may or may not already be looking for ways to reserve a DVD right now. I may or may not also pay money to see it in theaters again, I liked it that much.)
e1. Although summer's slinking towards its end stages, the bright side is that this means college sports start up soon, and I am unbelievably amped for Illini sports to start up, specifically the Illini Volleyball team. It is going to be a SICK year for them, and I foresee a run to the Final Four this year. I'm very excited to watch them play this season (WHAT UP BIG TEN NETWORK), and I hope to catch a game or two in person, as well. This group of seniors has done a lot for the team, and I really would love to see them go out on top. Ah, college sports, how I love you. I think that would be my dream job -- being involved with college sports in some way. Writing, reporting, coaching, recruiting -- anything.
e2. Best wishes and nothing but good thoughts and prayers go out to Monica Perry and her family. She was a great player (saw her practicing a LOT at Irwin ... not creeping or anything, she was legit there when we were) and a "total babe" (not my words, but she kind of totally was), and we're really gonna miss her. It always sucks when this kind of shit happens, but best of luck to both Monica and the Illini Softball team.
e3. On an unrelated note, the article mentioned that Pepper Gay will probably now slide up into the 1 spot. On the day after Kim's wedding, while on the way to pick up T-Bagels and Murrles, I drove behind someone who I believe to be Pepper Gay. Hilarity. The windshield was all busted up looking all what cars look like on Morgan *Nancy Klark voice* lookin' ass, she was going slow as hell, Georgia plates ... Oh, Pepper.
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This is going to be funny because my "Amalgam of Random Thoughts" section will probably be longer than my actual "Vague, Non-Specific Ultimate Thoughts" section, but it happens.

In any case.
Playing ultimate this summer has been difficult. Summer league with Matthews is fun, and a big reason I went back to Spicy Tuna was because of the opportunity to play with Big Foster again, but before all that I had been thinking for some time that this might be the best time to take that dignified, classy step away from ultimate, all like Myron Rolle-style (except he's coming back ... and he's a genius and good at the sport he stepped away from). You know, explore new territories, do new things, give my body a chance to rest, etc. etc. I told myself that after the college season ended, I would no longer play competitive ultimate or train for another marathon for an entire year. Now I'm playing competitive ultimate and planning on a marathon in the spring. Oops.

(Here we speak solely in terms of me as a player, not as a leader or a teammate.)
If I compared the player I was in May of 2009 to the player I was in August 2009, I probably wouldn't recognize my former self. The August 2009 player was more in shape but more importantly more confident. In November and December, I felt that I was really beginning to hit my stride in terms of stepping up, playing points, and delivering when I was needed. I would say that I felt my best during the late fall season, before the fatigue, the injuries, and the mental game caught up with me. I would say that I was still feeling pretty good through Pres Day and Chicago Invite, despite two stress fractures creeping back, day by day. But that's where the downturn started. After Centex and Sectionals, I started getting hit by a myriad of totally random, completely freak accidents that left my body in a state of disarray. Even though my mind was telling me that I was ready to compete at 100% intensity, my body wasn't actually ready, so there was a disconnect there. My body couldn't do the things that my mind knew it could do, and it was something I struggled with for a long time (and am still struggling with ... I'll write more in-depth about this later). Because I couldn't physically perform, my mental state took a huge hit. The confidence and composure I built began to plummet, and I no longer had any sort of swagger. That in turn hurt the way I was playing, and it was a vicious cycle of not playing well, feeling terrible about it, and thus not playing well, and so on so forth. This carried on into my summer ultimate endeavors. I don't feel like I've played well at all with Spicy Tuna this summer. I mean, it's just terrible. I think a big part of it is all me -- I'm not totally there, and my confidence has definitely been shook. I don't have the swagger to go out there and be aggressive on offense and I don't have the swagger to be the crazy energy-player on defense. I'm just there.

Chansy and I had a brief conversation the other night about how it takes more than talent and conditioning/fitness to be a championship team -- there's a mental aspect of it that not every team gets. You could have some of the most talented, athletic players around, but if those players don't buy into the idea of being good and achieving certain goals, you'll always fall short. I said that I wanted to play "fun" ultimate this summer, but the truth is that every bone in my body is competitive. I hate looking bad at practice, and I hate when people score on me or D me or whatever. I know that I can do all the things I was capable of doing earlier in the season, the problem is my swagger ain't on. So I need to figure it out. Either I need to make peace with the fact that I am now the bottom of the totem pole but totally having fun and not killing myself like I used to, or I need to make an attitude adjustment and go out there and get my confidence back so I can get my nasty back on. I hope to have that figured out by Maple Plains.

On a related note, I received an e-mail earlier this year that totally and completely surprised me. It came from someone I never expected to receive an e-mail from, let alone talk to, and it kind of helped to invigorate me. This person's message got me to stop thinking about the shit other people try to bring into your life and got me to start realizing that the key to getting better lay within me. (I'm the whole world, and you're an island and the sea's rising) That said, don't judge a person without getting to know them. I definitely learned my lesson from this person: There are a LOT of haters out there, but you know what? It ain't trickin' if you got it. So go on player, people are gonna talk shit, but keep doing your thing with your bad self.

I've got some posts lined up, probably none of them good. But they're lined up, regardless of quality, and will be up ... eventually.