Ultimate Things

[Andrew Fleming is on the front page of ESPN.com (you're gonna have to scroll down a little and find it, but he's there) and he was also on SportsCenter. Pretty fuckin' cool. Here's to a hell yeah to Ultimate on TV and my cousins maybe not making fun of me for playing frisbee anymore.]

I wrote a really great post called "Turnpike Ghost" ... but then I accidentally fell asleep with my laptop open on my lap and my laptop died before I could publish the post. Oops. Sorry ya'll. (Saved you from one whole post of disgusting, sentimental, poetic-focus bullshit. So you're welcome, I suppose.)

Also, I got a little shit from a close friend of mine for saying that Ellen Page dressed asexually in "Inception". Next time I'll remember to put "(/sarcasm)" at the end of that comment. Ya'll should know by now that the way she dresses or her totally hot bod are not the reasons why I think she's the best. I love her because she's smart, funny, witty, talented, and she's true to herself. She's not the kind of actress who would sell herself up a river to be famous -- she lets her work stand for itself, and I really respect that. People making hilarious comments about her clothes in that movie are just misguided.

In any case.
These things will definitely be updated from time to time, but I lay awake in bed last night just reminiscing about this stuff, and this is what came to me.

Things I'm Really Going to Miss

• Saturday mornings of tournament weekends. An entire week of tourney week anticipation builds up to this. I'm normally not a morning person, but I'm a morning person come Saturday morning. I took after Catherine in getting up like an hour before everyone else, but this year the adrenaline got me waking up two hours before everyone else. I'd lay in bed listening to my "Series" playlist or Explosions in the Sky or Tristeza or something like that, and I'd envision us playing well. I'd envision chilly O, working it downfield, and generating turns by playing team D. I'd actually almost lull myself to sleep drooling about stuff like that, and then before I knew it my actual alarm would start to vibrate. I liked being the first person at breakfast. I'd wear my headphones to the dining room of our hotel and I'd tape my feet there and all the old people would look at me like I was a total grossy. I was also usually already wearing my tournament weekend bandanna, which, according to my 19 year old cousin, makes me look like "Blackie Chan". Thanks, Carolyn. I love that anticipation to get everyone in the cars so we could get to the fields. I LOVED it. I live for that electricity, that adrenaline.
  
• Saturday night dinner of tournament weekends. I love sitting at a table with all 20 or so of my teammates, family style, looking around at everyone's tired, usually sunburnt, smiling faces. I love hearing everyone talk and laugh and I love looking around the table and feeling that love. It's a great feeling, and it makes me feel very full.
• That feeling in your stomach just before the disc is pulled on that first point of the first game of the weekend. I get that feeling before every first point of every game, but it's always amplified during the first game. I get the butterflies in my stomach, my heart is beating at double time, I always feel like I need to pee, and my hands suddenly start to get sweaty. But once that disc hits my hands or the grass, those nerves are gone and the adrenaline kicks in.
  
• Seeing friends at tournaments. It's not that I don't have friends who play club, it's just that people who play club don't know my name *Songz voice* the way college kids do, aka they don't have the time to deal with my foolishness. Through the past two college seasons, I've been reunited with friends I haven't seen in years and friends I had on another continent. I saw Lisa, a former teammate in China, at a bunch of tournaments this year, and we both got to bring some heckles out. I'll never forget running into Phil as he was coming out of a Port-a-Potty and I was heading in at No Wisco this year. I was SO happy to see that kid! A shout out and big hugs to Phil if he's reading this. There's just something about the ultimate community in general ... it just feels so tight knit, like at every single tournament there's someone to look forward to seeing.
• Getting that layout D and then sprinting to catch a disc in stride in the endzone. With club, more often than not I'm on the mark, so I don't get many opportunities at layout D's anymore. Rosentinkel and I were talking about our "dream plays" in ultimate, and that's my "dream play".
  
• One of my most vivid memories of freshman year is throwing in that lawn area in front of Snyder. My babybro and I would throw there almost every night, from the moment class ended to well after the sun went down and we couldn't see the disc anymore. That was way back when when ARC was IMPE. But back then it was fun. We stayed out there all night because we both wanted to be so much better, but at the same time it was also just a lot of fun. I got so many calluses and blisters that year from all those hours of throwing, but I wouldn't trade any of that. It was some of the best fun I had all of freshman year.
  
• I'm gonna miss the complex fields a lot. I'm gonna miss those trees, and laying/sitting there before practice. I'm going to miss practicing hammers over the goalposts and shouting "GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL" whenever I'd get it. I'm going to miss the way the sun sets behind the hills, and how I always hate being on offense going that way in those minutes before the sun fully dips below the top of the hill, because you can hardly see anything that's happening. I'm going to miss that walk after practice from the field to the parking lot or to the dining hall, laughing and joking the whole way. No matter how horrible or how miserable the practice was, that walk back was ALWAYS fun and you were DEFINITELY laughing.
  
• I'm going to miss dining hall dinners with the team. Begging the freshmen/sophomores to swipe you in, and then being obnoxiously loud and disgusting together. We almost always had to be kicked out by the dining staff, and we almost always made a huge scene.
  

Things I've Learned

• Familia ante omnia. And once you figure out who your family is, it's that much easier.
  
• You know that quote, "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"? Well it's completely true.
  
• The red garbage cans in the Armory exist for a reason -- it is possible to run so hard that you need them, and it was my personal goal each and every single practice to run so hard that I'd need them. I was always a hot ass mess after every track practice, and you know what? There's no shame in that. I left NOTHING in the tank, and I ran every sprint like there was an In-N-Out Double-Double with a "guap" of extra spread at the end of it.
  
• Your body is a wonder(land) *John Mayer voice* and it can withstand incredible things. I've asked it to endure a lot for me, and it's always responded. In turn, though, you have to take care of it. That's the lesson I'm learning now.
  
• On a related note, it is NEVER a good idea to poach the upline lane a few yards from the endzone. You will get punched -- nay, handed in the face, and you will regret it.
• The boot is not necessary for a stress fracture. It's not necessary, but you should probably wear it when they offer it to you. Oops.
  
• Always, always, ALWAYS wear compression shorts to Irwin, especially if you plan on laying out. Unless, of course, you want huge concave chunks taken out of your ass and you want your roommate to see and apply Neosporin and other such stinging applications to your bare ass in your bathroom while you bite on an old t-shirt and shout about how you are totally crushing hard on your International Law TA Adam Irish.
  
• The next time I'm supposed to fly to a tournament, I'm going to try to fly direct, no matter how expensive the tickets are. And I am sure as hell avoiding the shit out of Atlanta, Georgia!
  
• You know how people have an emergency kit in the trunk of their car? It's also a good idea to have an emergency ultimate kit back there. I have extra cleats, a pair of socks, some Kudos bars, an extra inhaler, a garbage bag, and a winter jacket. I know that sounds crazy, but I was definitely not ready for how freaking cold and windy it was at Regies Part 2 this year, and thank God for that coat, otherwise I'm pretty sure I would have gotten the very opposite of a heat stroke.
  
• Five Hour Energy tastes like GARBAGE.
  
• Zone offense goes against some of my basic intuitions, but it is one of my favorite things to play. For example, throwing floaty shit into what appears to be open space against a zone defense is almost always a turn. Zone defenses are designed to create oases of open space, to tempt you to throw into them so a wing or a monster can swoop in for the D. On offense, as a popper or a rail, running into the fray, and not away from it, sometimes gets you the disc, and more often than not gets the disc moving. I know it seems weird. And I know it's not football, although Rachael "Dozer" Matthews might think it is. But "crashing the cup" means going all the way into the cup. Being a rail might mean running all the way into your handler. Your movement into that space forces the wing and the cup to close in on you, creating an opening somewhere else in the cup, freeing up another player for a more open or an easier pass. At the least, it gets your team a fresh ten seconds, even if it's not a big yardage gain. And never look away. Just because you've just caught the disc and dumped it back doesn't mean you can't get it right back.
  
• Just because you're getting low doesn't mean you're releasing low. Unless your ass feels like it doesn't want to be involved in any further activities that don't involve lying down, you're probably not releasing that backhand low enough. Learned that one the hard way.
  
• If Adam Lazarra ever accidentally chokes himself on his mic, I could TOTALLY take over for Taking Back Sunday. I do an incredible impression of that self-important douchebag singing "Cute Without the E (Cut from the Team)" -- ask anyone in the "Party Car Centex: To Hellarity and Back" (Margaret, Matthews, Sarah); I sound damn near identical to a dyin', cryin' emo! Brand New forever! Mics are for singing not swinging! You know who you are! \m/ (/junior high)
  
• Apparently weight gain makes you a better ultimate player. I won "Most Improved" last year after I came home from China ... literally 20 pounds heavier. What uppppppp.
• If you think you're drinking too much water, you're probably drinking just enough water. According to Goose, if you pee any less than two times during the course of the day, you're not drinking enough water. Hydration is important no matter what the temperature is and no matter how much or little you're doing. Starting junior year, I paid much more attention to the food I was eating and how much I was eating before and during tournaments, as well as to how much I was drinking before, during, and after tournaments, and my body was a lot happier because of it. Toxins, meet 8+ glasses of water a day.
  
• There is no such thing as too many reversible basketball jerseys.
  
• You always think things like "backstabbing" and "betrayal" and "games" are only things that you see on shows like "The Hills" until it happens to you. Well look up in the sky -- you thought I was down. You thought I was gone. You thought I wasn't around, that I left you alone. Well look up in the sky. Just look up in the sky. See that I'm everywhere, everywhere, shining down on you.
  

Things I've Accepted

• After years and years of trying, I will never be able to throw a forehand correctly. It started when I first learned how to throw a forehand my freshman year. Before I threw, I would always have to adjust the disc in my right hand with my left hand, and my babybro noticed this and joked, "What, you can't hold the disc?" I looked at him, totally serious, and responded, "Yeah." By the end of that night, I was able to throw the forehand without adjusting with my left hand, but the catch was that I'd have to make that adjustment with my right hand. I found that by cocking the disc back just before I brought the disc forward on my release, I could ensure that I had the disc securely in my grip, giving me better snap, better accuracy, and more control. Obviously, you lose a lot of momentum when you do this, and so year after year, they kept trying to get me to change my form. But year after year, I'd always go right back to what was comfortable and what worked. My mechanics are completely and utterly horrendous, and on more than once occasion, people have told me that my forehand form is "interesting". But after endless attempts to change, even when I've been trying earnestly, I just can't shake it. Ah, well.
  
• Surely I must be able to at least throw backhands, right? Quite unforch, this is not the case. There's something about the way I throw them that just results in me putting way too much zip on the disc and that results in me basically rocketing the damn disc way past the person I intend the disc for. So, I guess that means I can't throw at all. WELP.
• There will be times when you may be in the right position and you had the perfect read, but you'll get skied because you're shorter. I'm working on that, though.
  
• Track workouts are not fun. They're not designed to be fun. Those fast people on your team? I think track workouts are designed to make you hate them. You're supposed to run your ass off to try to beat them, and when they beat you, even if everyone in the room knows they're going to beat you every time, you're supposed to hate their guts and want to run the next repeat even harder. Track workouts aren't fun, and they shouldn't be.
  
• I am neither here nor there. I think that I'm a cutter trapped in a handler's body, but I don't have the intuition, the field sense, or the throws of a good handler. Unfortunately, I also don't have the speed, the endurance, the height, or the athleticism of a good cutter. So what do I have, you ask? I've got the heart and I've got work ethic. Same thing happened to me in basketball -- I think I'm a 2 or a 3 trapped in a 1's body. But the worst part was that I was never the best at handling the ball. I was really good at shooting three's, and I was really good at boxing the shit out of taller girls for rebounds, but I wasn't tall enough or athletic enough for those positions. So I earned playing time for myself by doing those little things. Setting screens, getting loose balls, boxing out. You don't get a column in the stat sheet and they don't make you a star player, but you're helping your team get the W, which is all that really matters to me at the end of the day.
  
• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I suppose. I guess they don't make "originality" in that shade. *shrug*
  
• For the most part, my last year of college ultimate was a throw-away year. I don't mean this as a disparaging remark at all, so please don't take offense. Let me clarify this statement -- after much thought and much meditation, I can step away from this experience and say that I'm proud of how far I've come. Despite playing for the better team in 2009, I can honestly say that I became a better player in 2010. The me in 2010 would kick 2009 me's ass. Even if I'm not happy about the way the team's season ended and how that reflects upon my ability to lead, I can say that I am proud of the work I put in and how I changed from last year to this past season. Stepping out of myself for a moment, I met some incredible people this year, people I hope to be friends with for a long, long time. I hope you know that no matter what, you are what made this year so amazing for me.
  
  When I say "throw-away" year, I mean that no one will remember -- or want to remember -- this year. It will be like we never existed, because we didn't achieve as much as the program expects to achieve. It's like being a UConn Husky class that never wins a National Championship -- it's easy to get left out.
  
  I was the last of a dying group of people -- the so-called "Goose Era". My class was the last one that was there for, understood, and suffered through "The Struggle" -- the stretch of time before we made Nationals. I don't mean the few months before or even the year before -- I mean the years before. We're the last ones who know what that feels like. So I hope this year is the year that motivates people to be better, because they don't want to go to tournaments and not win a single game. It's kind of sad that that has to be the case, and I know that Sherri Coale and Geno Auriemma would be ashamed of me for saying that it was a "rebuilding year", but I hope that's exactly what it was -- laying the foundation and continually building upon the program we set out to build during "The Struggle". Original Gang, what up.
  

Things That Are Important to Me

• Karen Fillipelli, from behind.
  
  Just kidding.
  
• Knowing where I came from. Holler at the Original Gang, and to the teachers and players who came before me who helped create the opportunity for me to play this game and helped me develop into the player I am today.
  
• The continued development of the women's ultimate community. Thanks, LoB, for helping to create an environment of both competition and mutual support.
  
• Creating an alumni network. I love my Illinois Menace family, and I don't want it to die out just because we've all graduated and are moving onto new and different things in life.
• Continuing to set lofty goals for myself, no matter how far-fetched they may seem. And if I never achieve them, at least I've dreamed about them and I've worked for them.
  
• Sea otters. No, but really.
  
• My family. You know who you are.
  
• The idea that "being great means being great every day." Geno Auriemma, head coach of my favorite basketball team said that. That means bringing everything you have to every rep of every drill of every practice. That means leaving nothing during every point of every game of every tournament. You strive to be the best, no matter what. You can graduate all the All-Americans you want, or in our case, all the All-Region players you want, but that should never change your expectations for yourself or your team. In the words of Aristotle, one of the quotes I live by: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."

Now, in a departure from the way I normally do things, here, at the end, is my Amalgam of Random Thoughts (just so that if you didn't want to read this stuff you wouldn't have had to suffer through it for the mediocre-at-best "real stuff"):

• I have been watching a lot of "Lock Up", "Locked Up Abroad", and "Drugs, Inc." recently. Why? Because I feel like I need to educate myself about the shit that Sarah "Let's find a meth house!" Rosenwinkel might be getting herself into eventually. Don't worry, I got your back girl!
  
• So I finally saw "Jennifer's Body". About thirteen minutes in, I called the film, and I quote twitter, "just about the worst movie i have ever seen". But then, eighteen minutes later, I realized that maybe it wasn't supposed to be scary so much as it was supposed to be HILARIOUS. In which case, it was HILARIOUS. Lowkey, I really like Amanda Seyfried. She was my favorite Plastic ("I'm sick *cough cough*." "I'm a mouse -- duh." "You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski!" SO. MUCH. GOLD). Also, I had heard SO MUCH about the Amanda Seyfried/Megan Fox makeout scene in this movie before I ever actually saw it. And then I saw it. And it was like 15 seconds long, so I don't know why everyone went dick-shitting crazy about it. But then again, I suppose 15 seconds is longer than 0 seconds, so have at the dick shitting, then. (As I type/you read, my babybro is most likely YouTube-ing that scene.)
  
• I feel like Amil is one of many late-'90s versions of Nicki Minaj. God Nicki Minaj is gross. But I have to admit that I totally thought about changing my twitter name to "Baby J Minaj".
  
  
  OH GOD JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. BUT COULD YOU IMAGINE HOW HILARIOUS THAT WOULD BE?!
  
• Does anyone else ever have "music video dreams" that seem to last like hours? You know, you're in a music video for your favorite song or something, but it's not the original music video? I just woke up from a nap and totally had a music video dream to an Arcade Fire song. SO TRIPPY.
• Speaking of music video dreams, last night I had a dream about a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream.
  
  No but 4srs I had a dream about that Jessica Simpson video for "Public Affair", where Eva Longoria Parker, Christina Applegate, Christina Milian, and Maria Menounos were rollerblading ... but in my dream, it was women like Nancy Pelosi and Condi Rice and Hillary Clinton -- you know, the girls! -- rollerblading together. You can take the girl out of political science ...
  
• Speaking of J. Simps, what ever happened to Ashlee? After she popped out Pete Wentz's kid? I'm not about to front like I don't have "Autobiography" hidden somewhere in my closet underneath my shamelessness and brazen audacity.
  
• I'm gonna punch that UIUC No Pants kid in the face if he doesn't use my picture from the Sox game with the AWESOME caption, "White Sox but No Pants".